Entry XLII--Anna, Ben, Eliza, Doc, Dita, Palmer, Gina, Simon, Cassandra and IALPHABETIZE
Up before the alarm, my excitement for this day to begin is palpable.
Can't say the same for Cassandra, who looks like she just wants to sleep right past this day.
Have to live with it. Got her to let me move in seven more motherfuckers into this place, when it was supposed to be all about us just a few short months ago; can't expect her to fake-smile her way through this.
It'll have to come to her gradual.
And if it doesn't...?
Stick a toothbrush into my mouth and decide I'm not going to ponder that unanswered question any longer.
No point in introducing any negativity--or even uncertainty--into this day.
This historic day, actually.
No sign of Simon either; being Saturday he's likely sleeping in as well. Glad to have the bathroom all to myself as a result...
and this will be the last time it will be so free--tomorrow morning, there will be 10people vying for this john, and have a feeling not all of them are late sleepers.
Though this was all Ms. Cabal's doing, got to admit I'm surging with anticipation over the adventure that having a cult will bring.
That has to override the fact that Cassandra and I never got to fully explore just being a couple--not for very long.
As the hot water hits my face, I know how it would have gone, she would have painted in her room and I would have sat around figuring out what to do with the rest of the life now that I've already written my opus
But now, there is purpose.
Well, at least the purpose of forming the cult.
Not sure what Ms. Cabal has in store for it beyond this--a foundation for a new anti-christian movement, yes, but how in the hell does she intend to pull that off?
When it comes to that, guess I'm just a spectator like everyone else
As I towel myself dry, there's a nagging part of me resenting Ms. Cabal has such sway over my destiny? Yes, but can't deny that I want to be part of a new anti-christian movement.
I mean, what was I going to do, write the definitive book that could launch an anti-christian movement and then just sit on my ass and what, watch satellite TV?
Walk nude through the hallway for probably the last time, back to the bedroom. Cassandra still in her usual morning coma that doesn't relent until early afternoon lately; her painting sessions sometimes skim the surface of the dawn this last month.
And last night--I should say this morning--was perhaps her latest--earliest--session to date; it had to be past seven am when she crawled into bed.
Look over her long luxuriant hair tousled about her face and pillow, appreciating the sacrifice she's making by letting all these strangers move in so suddenly.
Though she wouldn't give up her painting room--so we're going to have to bunch three people in two of the rooms; and the only way it's going to work is with some kind of unisex arrangement, so that should prove interesting.
Just one of the many details that have to be ironed out if we're going to make this thing work. But deciding on who is sleeping where is one of the major ones, and I plan to address it early and often.
Hopefully not too often, providing it can be resolved quickly and with minimal conflict. It'd also serve as a barometer for how we can expect other potentially divisive issues to be meted out--at least in the early stages of the cult; obviously it's going to be an ever-shifting dynamic with so many disparate people, none of whom have ever lived together before.
And in the case of some--like Simon, have never lived with anyone before.
Thinking of him, lean next to his door and listen to hear if he's at least stirring.
Nope, not a peep.
Given how shy he is, can see he's probably not thrilled with so many peeps invading our cozy threesome before he's gotten a chance to get used to the two of us.
But he understands this is leading towards a higher purpose--though it's still going to be a bitch for him sharing a room with others.
Still with time before anyone's scheduled to show, realize I forgot something real important--head back to the living room and check out the 'little surprise' I have for everyone--currently shrouded by cloth, but to be dramatically revealed at the proper moment.
It's almost too quiet--the proverbial calm before the storm. But I hate when things go according to form--it usually means they're not going my way.
And just then, the still is shattered by a loud rapping on the front door...
Dash towards it, as my first concern is that Cassandra and Simon--but more importantly Cassandra--aren't violently woken.
Intuitively, even before I open the door I know it's going to be...
Palmer, with a shit-eating grin too damn wide this early on a Saturday morning. The boy just bleeds optimism.
"Darwin!" His voice as enthused as his smile. Unlike our two established roomies in slumberland, looks like there won't be any issues with Palmer sharing a room.
"Hey, Palmer, glad you could make it." Can't manage to match his enthusiasm, as I still haven't completely shaken the sleep out of my head yet.
We exchange an awkward half-hug and I gesture for him to enter with his worldly possessions; a duffel bag and a couple of boxes. Palmer seems like the type who could live out of his pockets let alone a suitcase; all he needs is his optimism.
After we step inside, lead him down the narrow hallway to a bedroom presently unoccupied and have him toss his stuff in there.
"Just till we can figure out who's going to sleep where."
Palmer nods affirmation as we move to the back of the flat, showing him the living room and the kitchen.
"C'mon, you can help me put out some snacks for the rest of our soon-to-be-roomies," I tell Palmer.
From the cupboards, I pull out a couple bowls and fill them with various fruits, Palmer helps me and asks:
"So, where is everyone?"
Rinse off a cluster of grapes while responding: "It's all pretty casual, there was no set time for anyone to show up really, even though I suggested the earlier the better just because there's so many people and you know people tend to show up later than you tell them too, so I didn't want half of the new people rolling in after dark."
"Makes sense."
"Thanks, Palmer. Sure you don't want me to call you by your first name?"
"Nah, Palmer's fine. Who really gives a shit about what someone's name is, right?"
"Right."
Well, somebody give a big shit about it, but good to see Palmer's ego is defused (or is it diffused?)
We finish dumping the rest of the fruit into the bowls and put them out on the living room coffee table.
WHAT SHOULD PALMER DISCUSS/REVEAL
Our conversation suddenly interrupted(?) by the doorbell ringing for the second time.
Tell Palmer to chill in the living room while I get the door. Walking down the long hallway, debate whether or not I should have had Palmer join me in greeting our latest member, but then that would set a bad precedent and get awfully messy by the time there were nine of us at the door greeting the poor last soul and probably scare the living daylights out of her or him.
Get two for the price of one when an elderly gentleman--has to be Dr. Richards and a sweet faced young lady--but I'm not sure if she's Eliza, Anna or Gina.
My quizzical look prompts her let me know, "I'm Anna. See, you should have insisted that we all sent you pics of us."
"Ah thank you. Greetings Anna, and Dr. Richards."
"Call me Doc--I see you didn't need a picture to identify me."
We share a 'we don't know each other enough yet to take anything negative' laugh over that as I explain, "Corny as it sounds, I didn't want to get all caught up in images--didn't want someone's picture influencing whether or not I'd invite them to join. In the case of Palmer--whom you're both about to meet--I had seen him prior to forming this group, but he was chosen based on our relationship and that I knew he was dedicated to forming such a group.
"Perhaps even more dedicated then I am..."
As if on cue we step into the living room where Palmer had been patient seated, almost in a trance...
But the minute he senses we're in the room, his eyes fly open and he springs to his feet, shaking Anna and Doc's hands most enthusiastically.
Instantly, the room is buzzing and it already feels like something bigger than each of us individually.
Still sleeping through it all are Simon and Cassandra, but that's okay, they'll join us in their own time.
Already this group is more than I could have ever hoped for--so I'm not expecting it to be anything more than it is now.
Doorbell rings again and already know that the group's going to be more than it is now...
Leave Doc, Anna and Palmer to meet and mingle as I head to the door.
Open it to find a vivacious woma that I just know has to be...
"Gina!"
"Darwin!" she screams back, waking more than one neighbor in the process I'm sure and then she hugs me, maybe a bit too friendly.
Not that I mind, despite my devotion to Cassandra, it always feels good to get hugged by a woman.
"It's so great to finally meet you!"
"You too, Gina. Thanks for agreeing to do this; it's nice to have a balance of women and guys."
She loosens the embrace, steps back and looks me dead in the eye: "Well...I hope that you chose me for reasons other than my gender."
Feel put on the spot for the first time today...but then, living with people is not going to be smooth sailing all the time, so might as well get used to it.
Still, she's waiting for some kind of response, so fumble to come up with something, "That's why I didn't ask for pictures."
"Not to worry honey," Gina says, as she saunters inside before I even have to invite her. "I'm just glad to be in this wonderful city--beats the hell out of Fresno, I'll tell you."
Before we even get halfway down the hallway, the doorbell rings violently once again, and we both turn to it
Don't even both telling Gina to wait in the back room, she wants to meet her new roomie right along with me
Open the door to find a slightly older woman standing before the pair of us, sporting spikey blonde hair, collared shirt and blue jeans. Though I've never seen her before, something tells me that it's...
"Eliza" she confirms with a friendly handshake.
She already told me she's lesbian, further confirmed by the way she looks at Gina--not with prison cell lust, but just admiring Gina's pretty facial features
(though I'm sure Gina's curves aren't lost upon her either)
Gina seems embarrassed by the attention, not sure how to respond, but not wanting to be impolite, she smiles and shakes Eliza's hand without saying anything
And just like that, all the vigor has been drained from Gina--at least for now.
DITA ARRIVAL
BEN ARRIVAL: Ben, despite being Asian (Chinese specifically) is easily the tallest of any of us, so much for the 'Asian guys are little & skinny' cliche. Ben looks like he could take out the rest of us with a yawn and a couple of good stretches.
INTRO/SERVE SANDWICHES, CASSANDRA HELPS WITH THAT, BUT THEN VACATES THE ROOM WHICH LEADS TO A HUSHED ARGUMENT BETWEEN THE TWO OF US
With cult members brand new and established alike feast on lemonade and sandwiches, slip out of the room, deciding it's better to stand back for a spell, removing my presence as de facto "leader" (god I hate that word) from the room, while simultaneously (and hopefully) allowing all of them to get to know each other and feel more comfortable with one another.
Cassandra seizes any opportunity to vacate the room where the most people are gathered and she heads back to her painting. Don't have the energy to pull any "Dom" shit on her--and besides, if she doesn't really want to be there, it's for the best, cause she'd just drain the energy from the rest of us.
Don't want to be hanging in the shadows like some creepy big brother, but am not going to the bedroom with Cassandra painting there. Having made her give up her 'studio', have to give her space when she paints.
Stroll dowh the long dark hallway of the flat. We should string a couple lights up--as soon as we figure out which cult member that is both good at that sort of thing and isn't too lazy to actually do it.
Could hang out in the bathroom, but without a function to perform, it doesn't seem to make much sense.
Once at the front door, step out onto the doorway to get some air and think about what I'm going to say to them. Have some notes in my backpocket that I typed up last night, but I don't want to read from some paper. That's just too flipping insincere--like I'm giving another lecture on the book tour, though I will be drawing from memory some of the best things I composed yesterday.
Yeah...the book tour...that could be good to draw upon...
Take a moment organizing the thoughts in my mind while absentmindedly watching an old man with a walker and a heavy sack of groceries struggling to move uphill to his home because he can't afford cab fare and enough food to eat and a young kid on a skateboard flowing effortlessly downhill, almost riding on the wind as he zips past the old man.
And it all becomes crystal clear to me in that one vision...
Take my sweet time moseying down the hall, but when I reach the end living room where all remain gathered, see that I didn't need to--everyone's pretty much finished eating, as chit chat has replaced chowing down.
Last thing I want to do is stomp out these organic conversations progressing between all these new flung friends. Or what we all hope are friends.
Ease myself into the room as quietly as possible, but notice that more and more pair of eyes fall upon me, as if waiting on my cue. Suppose it's only natural, seeing as I'm the reason they are even sitting here in the first place--but my job is to make them realize each one of them is the reason each one of them is here in the first place.
It's not too long before every conversation slows down to a halt and everyone's pretty much looking up at me for the next round of inspiration.
Seizing the moment, start off with: "Guess this as good a time as any to welcome you all here and let you all know a few things--a few important things that I want you to know right off the bat."
Damn, am stumbling over my own tongue here. Can feel my heart racing in my chest, got to come down, compose myself and get this right. Don't want to lose anyone the very first day. (Not that I'm really worried about that)
"First off, let me apologize for my shitty imitation of a public speaker. Yes, even though I've had experience speaking in front of crowds on that book tour I did last year that some of you saw me at--"
Palmer flashes me a beaming smile and I grin back
"But despite all those weeks of experience that culminated in a bookstore being blown up, speaking before all of you is a whole other level--because this isn't some promotional gig to sell more books or even see if a couple aspects of my philosophy resonate with a couple of lecture attendees; no, this is LIFE, every day of the week every minute of the day every second of every minute, and frankly I've never done anything approaching this before so I'm not standing up here claiming to be any sort of expert.
"Don't really know how to say any of this without sounding like a douchebag
"Let me welcome you all to your new home.
"Even though it was my book that brought us all together, it wouldn't be possible without you. Otherwise it'd be just Cassandra and I listening to the echoes. Her echoes--of paintbrush slapping against her canvas. No echoes from me.
That draws a laugh, but it's another chance to curse my exceptional peripheral vision, as I can see Cassandra is taking my last statement with a decidedly different perspective than the rest of the group CASSANDRA IS SUPPOSED TO BE PAINTING NOW
"Choosing the members of this cult was the last decision I'd like to make--at least the last decision I have to make essentially alone.
"I'll still make decisions, but as part of the larger group--and that's part of the experiment here, to see if true individualism can still flourish within the greater grouper dynamic.
"The aim here is to be a self-aware cult; the first cult that celebrates and inspires individuality, instead of suffocating it, like all the other cults have done."
"In the past, people bowed to the institution, like the church, and always placed it above the individual. With the cultural upheaval of the 1960's and beyond, individualism moved to the forefront, unfortunately to the detriment of the culture at large. Individual attainment, rather than greater cultural development, is now de rigueur.
"Our little group intends to integrate the two cultural phenomenon; we'll develop an institution where individual thrives first and foremost."
That notion seems to impress most of them.
For a moment my mind wanders and I wish Ms. Cabal could be here. Because I'm so preoccupied, it takes more than a few seconds until I remember that she is here. She's more here than any of us, actually. She's infused in every atom of being."
Before I get into the heavy stuff, look out into the gathering and decide there's one missing in this collage; Cassandra. Even if I had to drag her kicking and screaming to accept this--though 'gagged' is more appropriate than screaming in this context.
Either way, she should be here, now cloistered in the bedroom like it's still just me and her...much as that's what she wants it to be--and all she wants it to be.
First mistake is entering tentatively, like I don't belong there--like I have no right intruding upon her.
"What do you want, Darwin?" she asks sharply from behind the canvas, not budging in the slightest to look at me
Then really blow it by letting her intimidate enough to make me hesitate, "Uh...I was just...you know, wondering...if you...if you want to sit in on the meeting--you know, I'm about to tell them some very important things and you're a part of this and you should be there. To listen. Even if you don't want to say anything, just so you're there. Make your presence felt."
She's not buying any of it: "I don't want to make my presence felt--I want to paint. This whole thing is your thing, Darwin. My thing is painting. So let me do my thing and you can go do your thing."
Have two choices here. Can really go off and get into it with her or I can back off.
If I get into it--even if we're quiet--I'm going to go back out there to face and interact with all those people and be drained or frazzled or maybe even visibly pissed off, which will give off the wrong vibes right off the bat to my new found friends.
And that's the last thing I want.
Only till I'm headed back down the hall do I realize that the only way that's going to work with her it the Dominant way. But I just don't have the energy to sustain it like Ms. Cabal does--course, she has the energy to sustain anything forever.
I can't be Dominant with her and run around and be myself with all these other people. And if it means Cassandra's not a part of the cult--Firewheel--then so be it.
Firewheel. First time I said it to myself in normal thought like that.
Can't wait to try it out on the rest of the crew.
Not sure whether I should be impressed--or worried--when I find everyone basically waiting attentively and patiently for my return. Might've figured most of 'em would be broken into little cliques and clacks engaged in half-a-dozen conversations about everything except the subject of this meeting--that is, the formation of the cult.
But again, the main priority is maintaining individualism above all else--to be the first cult to transcend its own trappings of rigid conformity.
"Hey, everyone, thanks for waiting. Cassandra won't be joining us for this meeting--she's not feeling well."
Wonder how many times I'll have to use that lie.
No, not going to worry about that now. This isn't about me or her or me and her. It's about them.
It's about these eight optimistic motherfuckers who actually moved from all over the country, from points far and wide to mortgage their present and possibly future lives to experiment with me.
"So...where to begin? So much to say to all of you, but I know I can't possibly cover it all in one little powwow; and wouldn't want to, frankly, because it'd be too much for you to absorb and me to remember.
"The first thing I want to say is that I don't know if this experiment is going to work--but I do know it's going to be the worth the effort"
Bunch of smiles light up in response
"I think we've all had our share of living life the way it's been lived by people for so many years, and we've found it to be less than gratifying and a long way from satisfying.
"That's why we've come together, here, from all across the country. Not to find ourselves--I think most if not all of us know who we are--but to find out where we fit in. Is it here? Is this kind of group dynamic living arrangement? I don't know. Let's find out, shall we?"
Spontaneous applause breaks out and feels like I'm back on lecture circuit for the moment.
During that last spiel, looked at everyone except Gina. She might be the one person here still looking for herself.
Should've looked at her.
"This is yours just as much as it is mine. But since it was my idea, I did name the cult; though the inspiration came from the aforementioned Cassandra..."
Step through the gathering as I make my way, slowly, building the drama, to the back of the living room...
Until I reach the object mounted on the wall behind the faux fireplace covered by a black cloth. Made sure no light was cast upon it, so no attention would be drawn to it, not that I had to be too worried about that, no one noticed it in the least.
All the better, it heightens the drama as I swipe the cloth covering to reveal...
The FireWheel painting
Everyone's impressed, even Palmer as he scoffs, "Ha! I've seen that before!"
"Indeed, Palmer, 'tis the very same painting that I brought with me on my lecture tour. A good luck charm, if you will. And it's such a powerful symbol--so damn fitting for everything my writing--and now this cult--represent.
"Sure you've all heard it before, but this morning, this occasion, is as good a time as any to reiterate the meaning of it--when humans managed to create Fire and manipulate it for their own ends, they transcended some of their need for a god to worship, just a little bit. Then, later, when humans invented the Wheel and applied it to everyday life, they transcended some of their need for a god to worship, just a little bit more.
"Ah, but we still have religion and have ever since ancient times, you say. That's why I say we've just transcended it a little bit
"Here at the Cult FireWheel, we intend to transcend it considerably more than just a 'little bit'
And a collective roar ushers forth, the first time, they've combined their vocal prowess,
But I dare say/reckon it won't be the last..
But something stirs within me, reminding me to keep myself and this group as humble as possible: "Nobody remembers the name of the first person who mastered fire or whoever invented the first functioning wheel. Those names have been lost to history, and maybe what we're doing will be lost to history because it ends up being too damn obscure, but that doesn't matter, it's the progress we're making.
"Many of you are here because you want to get beyond the life most lead where they either do nothing or just engage in drama for drama's sake. There's no progressing towards something different...perhaps not better, but definitely not the same.
"Not to mention the fact the image of a burning wheel is just fucking evocative.
END:
"Hopefully this will be the last speech I'll ever have to give. The rest of you are all obligated to before I have to make another one," I insist with a wink.
"Now comes the part where I make you feel like you just started a new job--with one exception. Yes, you have to stand up before everyone and talk, but you're not required to tell them anything--not even your name, I'll do that for you."
Most laugh at that, but I can tell Simon is not thrilled with the prospect of public speaking, he's looking up, down, sideways, anywhere but in my direction.
And that's precisely why...
"Simon, why don't you go first"
Terror strikes Simon Miller--his eyes spike wider than the Seven Seas combined, like someone jammed the two Mastodon toothpicks in between each set of his lids.
Not sure how he manages to get up without fainting, but he does and moves slowly towards me...
Lean in quickly, drawing Simon close to me as I whisper assurance, "Sorry to put you on the firing line like this buddy, but I chose you first so you could get it out of the way and not have to sit their and sweat it out waiting for it to be 'your turn'
"If you can't think of anything to say, just tell them what you're doing in Berkeley. It's the only thing you think about, right?"
With most people, I'd be kidding, but not with Simon.
The simple logic of it all appeals instantly to Simon and he flashes me a warm smile of gratitude...
...which quickly vanishes when I sit down, redering him a solo act.
"Hi...I don't have much to say...if you couldn't tell, I'm not much of a public speaker>'
Yes, we know that, Simon, oh lord, how we know that!
Wish I could have handed him a microphone, his voice is so low--plus it seem like if he could hold something, it might help his concentration or something.
"I've already been living here--my bedroom is the one nearest the bathroom. I suppose I'll be sharing it with one of you starting tonight. Darwin did not explain the procedure for selecting roommates."
Simon's robotic tone and raw-gut honestly draws a few laughs from some of the ladies.
Perhaps Simon won't be as unpopular as he initially feared...
"I can tell you all you need to know about me in a single sentence: My life's work is to create a completely indestructible yet completely malleable substance, the likes of which the world has never seen."
With that, Simon promptly sits back down exactly where he was sitting, leaving more than a couple of the group exasperated, or at least, wanting more
Anna even gestures like she's raising her hand, but I quickly put the kibosh on that:
"This isn't a press conference; anybody can say as much--or as little--as they want and that's that; if any of you want to ask anyone else a question, do it one-on-one in private."
Almost regret the authority in my voice, but I do get a little protective around Simon; wonder if I'll end up feeling that way about any of the others?
I imagine so...
INCLUDE DESCRIPT OF THEIR VOICES
"Guess I should make this boy-girl-boy-girl," I muse out loud, "so...Anna, you're up next."
Guilt-free choice; can see right off the bat that Anna has no problems speaking in public, as evidenced by how freely the words flow from her mouth
"Hey y'all, I'm Anna Belmont. I'm from Fremont, Nebraska--and I believe y'all have a Fremont out here too if I'm not mistaken--"
I nod affirmation
"Thank you, Darwin, I didn't want to confuse anyone in thinking I was from right around the corner. San Francisco is a different world, but that's what I wanted, because the world I was living in, back in Fremont--Nebraska--wasn't very much of a world at all.
"I'm sure like most of you, I read Darwin's book and that showed me there is more out there than just what the little isolated world that surrounds you has to offer.
"I don't know how much any of you are involved in the struggle for a woman's right to choose. I was thinking--okay, I was hoping, that at least a couple of you are up on it, considering what Darwin stands for and what he's written about. Another reason I'm here, frankly.
"Fremont, unfortunately, is the home to State Senator Nick Fuller; he's the asshole--pardon my French--who passed the legislation requiring each woman to have a ultrasound of the fetus before they have the abortion, and then forcing the woman to look at the ultrasound image of the fetus."
Can see the disgust registered in my new roomies; once again providing confirmation I made the right selections.
She is the opposite of Simon--she's not holding anything back, but I'm not about to cut her off, didn't say how much--or how little anyone had to say.
This experience is going to teach me patience if nothing else.
"So I think y'all are already getting an idea of why I didn't fit in too well with Fremont, Nebraska."
Chuckles fill the room, only bolstering Anna's confidence to open up further
"I didn't want to be around people where I had to pretend--I wasn't going to pretend.
She smiles upon her new-found friends.
"I don't have to pretend around you."
"So I didn't want to pretend and I didn't want to live in a place that was so restrictive about women's rights."
Her eyes drift to me to accentuate her , "And when Darwin wrote me that he was looking for people to move into this big ol' Victorian of his, I would have been crazy not to jump at the opportunity, you know? So here I am!"
It'd be hard to bridle her enthusiasm; Anna Belmont will ensure that it'll never get too cynical 'round these parts.
"But enough politics--what do you want to know about me personally? I am single and probably ready to mingle as they say--"
Palmer & Ben let out simultaneous whoops at the prospect; Doc is too dignified and Simon too shy.
Anna continues: "I'm a voracious reader--though I probably would have read Darwin's book even if I wasn't. If any of y'all have any spare books you can lend me, feel free to do so, I'm always looking to read something. So that means whoever gets unlucky enough to room with me will have to put up with my nightlight."
A couple groans scattered amongst the laughs, guess we know who Anna won't be bunking with come nightfall.
Speaking of which, that's another things we have to come up with by the time this session is adjourned, but all in due time...
Thinking about Palmer next--but he'll ratchet the flamboyancy a bit too high following Anna, so I opt for Ben Chan, computer nerd, meaning he's a genius in ways I could never hope to be.
Ben's easy-going about everything in life and shows it to everyone here straight away by his nonchalant manner of getting to his feet and finally standing semi-slouched before his new cohabitants.
"Hey...I'm Ben. I'm a programmer, so if, uh, anyone has any computer problems, you can just ask me and I can probably help you."
He suddenly turns to me, "Do you have plans to implement a network in this house?"
Scratch my head only partially for effect and mutter, "You might want to wait till I'm awake a few hours before asking me such technical questions. I haven't even thought of it, Ben, to be perfectly honest with you, and you should know there's nothing more perfect than my honesty."
Think he gets it as he cracks a half-smile.
Then Ben surveys the room and for the first time, really looks at the rest of us, and loosens up a bit.
"You're probably wondering what this big Asian guy--Chinese to be exact--is doing here living in this anti-Christian commune with the rest of you? That's because I wasn't raised Buddhist or Socialist or anything like that; I was actually raised Christian, in Mountain View, which is a suburb of San Fran, about 30 minutes or so south of here, though outside of going to a concert, I can't really think of any reason for going there, kind of like Anna--is that right?__was saying. Sorry if I forget some of your names for the first couple of days--or weeks, while I'm still getting to know everyone.
"See I've lived with my family my whole life up until now so those are the only names I've ever really had to know, outside of a few friends here and there.
"But I was always the 'black sheep' of the family when it came to religion. My father is the type who expects every member of the family to be sitting in the church pews on time Sunday morning for the 10 am mass. He's like that, and my Mom is pretty much the same way. Same goes for my brothers and sisters.
"But I never really bought into it. Guess because I'm so into science; I mean I'm no Simon over here--"
Ben gestures towards Simon who blushes in response at the attention. Ben will soon learn--they'll all soon learn just how much Simon hates attention.
Ben continues: "As I was saying, I'm all about science, at least as a layman, but I do know computers. and the logic of computers has always appealed to me. I never found that same logic in Christianity, not even close. How exactly does believing in Jesus grant me forgiveness of sins I've committed? When you break it down--like Darwin does so well--you see that the things Christianity wants you to believe in doesn't really hold up to any serious scrutiny.
"They just want you to take it on faith--like my parents. So you can see thinking I do, it wasn't really going to work with them, but I didn't know where to go. The thought of living on my own was too scary. When I started email correspondence with Darwin, and just casually asked him if he knew anyone looking for a roommate, never would've thought in a million years that he would've invited me to live here with him--and all of you."
Sweet way to end it by Ben as he spreads his arms out wide to sort of symbolize how he's considering all of them--us--to be part of his life now. Or something like that.
Scan the room and decide it's Eliza's turn to bat. Could have just as easily chosen Dita, but don't want Eliza to feel like she's being shortchanged because she's a lesbian. Probably something Eliza doesn't even care about, and I'm probably unnecessarily overcompensating, but that's the kind of thing I'm going to have to learn living with all different kinds of people.
Hell, living with people. Cassandra doesn't count; I've lived with women before, that's a whole other dynamic than sharing a house with nine others, having never met six of them before today.
Eliza's sexuality is expressed in her choice of clothing; men's corduroy pants, collared shirt, black work boots, her hair swept to one side, short, not 'styled' in the least.
Funny, didn't analyze the fashion choices of any of the others. Going to take some time
"Like most of you, I'm an outcast in a way--but what lead me here might be the exact opposite of why most if not all of you are here. Religion, Christianity, is a part of what makes me an outcast, but not because of my view towards it, but rather because of its views towards me.
"If you haven't already guessed, I'm lesbian, have been all my life, or at least as long as I've been expressing my sexuality. See, I'm from a small town, make that a conservative small town in New Hampshire called Windham. Lots of money there, but not much tolerance.
"Put it this way, their town motto is "Guided by Timeless Values"
"I can relate--I heard 'values' a lot too growing up in Nebraska," Anna interjects (some would say interrupts, but I'm striving towards harmony here on our inaugural day)
"Nebraska is probably a lot like New Hampshire--except your Midwestern sincerity is replaced by our East Coast snobbery," Eliza retorts deferentially.
"At least the average IQ in your hometown was above 68 I'm guessing" Anna shoot backs, and can see the rest of us are enjoying their interplay.
Wonder if Eliza has her eyes on the cute-as-a-button Anna Belmont?
Oops there I go having those thoughts I really shouldn't be indulging in; at least not during our inaugural day.
"I got tired of being told that it wasn't acceptable to be lesbian and the 'once I got out of high school' I had better change. The school wouldn't let me bring my girlfriend to my senior prom. Then I got tired of being told I'd better stop being lesbian 'once I got out of college'
"But of course, I'm still lesbian--couldn't change it if I wanted to, which I don't. I'm romantically and sexually attracted to women, it's as simple as that.
Once I got out of college I was able to be self-sufficient; I'm a graphic designer, so I was able to leave my family behind, even though it meant being disowned and giving up lots and lots of money..."
Can see Gina's eyes light up from all the way across the room
"I wanted to get away from the East Coast, so New York was never really an option. San Francisco was just what I was looking for in a place to live and being 3,000 miles away from home sealed the deal. And I've been here ever since.
"And ever since I"ve been here, I've taken advantage of the alternative lifestyles San Francisco has tooffer in spades; and I don't just mean lesbian lifestyle, I mean like ploysexual households, communes, things like that. And now, what darwin is offering us here. I recently broke up with a long-time girfriend and let her have the apratment, so the time was ripe for a fresh start."
"I know all about needing a fresh start," Gina volunteers, somewhat self-consciously and her eye catches Eliza's.
Hate to do this to Doc, who looks so damn comfortable reclining in his chair, but I call him for his turn to stand up before us. He has a little trouble getting to his feet and Anna helps him up.
Amused I called it 'his chair' when Doc just arrived here not more than a couple hours ago. But he's just made it 'his chair', even in this short time.
Doc's voice is a little gruff at first and he clears his throat with a sip or two of water before really getting start on his monologue, "I've always been a freethinker, suppose I've had to be in this culture being an abortionist.
"What most appealed to me about Darwin's book was the 'Moral Imperative for Abortion' essay, or that section of a larger essay, I can't recall which at this point."
"Uh oh, you just lost points for not knowing that, Doc," Palmer chides, "we're all big Darwin Grimm fans here!"
Doc cracks what I can see is going to be the first of many characteristic wide, sweet smiles. His voice is soft-spoken, MORE "Before any of you ask, I am 66 years old, and I realize that easily makes me the oldest member of our little assemblage.
"Like some of you, I too was at a crossroads in my life. You see, I lost my wife of 42 years just last year. I know most of you haven't even been alive 42 years, let alone been married that long, so let me tell you that if you ever are fortunate enough to be married to someone for that long a time that you do become like one person with your partner. And when one of the partner dies, that one person doesn't really exist anymore, it's more like a ghost walking around looking to fill the void with its presence."
Doc's pretty damn eloquent, he's even melting my cold cruel heart a bit.
"I am only semi-retired, so I still have my practice and my patients to fulfill me with s sense of purpose, at least on the professional level. But on the personal level, as I said, there was something missing.
"Something that was not going to be fulfilled on my own. I had a great big empty house in Marin that I tried filling up with furniture and nick-knacks after Rebecca died. That's why I jumped at the chance to come here and stay among all you young creative vital people.
"It's not many senior folks like myself who get a chance to have a new life at such an advanced age and I intend to take advantage of it."
Maybe it is because he's the oldest member, but that last comment gets Doc a big round of applause, even from Simon. Always encouraging to see Simon get engaged on a social level to any degree.
Dita's shock of blonde hair shines brighter when I choose her to speak next. She apologizes for her thick German accent, but it's not necessary.
"I haff alvays been a beeg reader ov Nietzsche; I alvays velt as dough he vaz der reel spirit ov Deutschland, a spirit dat haff been pervurted doo many dimez; by der Kaiser, by Hitler, den by a gover-nment und itz kolleckzion of Kirchensteuer--"
Think we've all done a pretty good job following Dita so far, but that word leaves most of the room befuddled.
Dita is only confused by our confusion for a scant moment, then realizes her faux pas, "Oh! I am zorry, I failud to tranzlate--Kirchensteuer meanz 'church tax'--die mayjor religeeons ov Deutschland are vunded by der gover-ment Eff you dink separazion ov kurch und stadt iz joke in dis kuntree, you shuld zee it in Deutschland!"
Couple of us flash wide eyes, trying to imagine how separation of church and state could be more of a joke anywhere else than right here in the land that allegedly originated the concept.
"Dat iz part ov die reazon I choose Amerika to live afder I graduated Univericity im Dresden, I made decision I had rilly had enuff of Deutschland and iff I vas ever to find the freedom I vanted, I vould have to come to Amerika at leest to try!
"Zo here I am, and I am still searching and when I read Darvin's vonderful book, of course he reminded me ov Nietaxsche in zo zo meeny vways, dat I had to take him up on his offer of starting a new kind of kultur here in dis haus."
Notice Simon staring intently at Dita as she speaks. Wonder if he's attracted to her? Wonder if it's possible for him to be attracted to any woman or is it just nanotubes that get him hard?
My choices are easy now, last male, Palmer, which was intentional. Since I targeted Gina to go last, wanted to juxtapose the bombast of Palmer before her and whatever she's planning to share about her life.
Tap Palmer on the shoulder signalling him his turn his next and he's genuinely surprised it's his turn to speak.
One thing that's annoying about Palmer, he makes a big deal about everything, nothing is smooth with him. He's a frenetic, frantic ball of energy that hopefully is goinog to work with a group of people I perceive to be generally laid-back, if not downright anti-social in the case of Simon.
Still, it's too early to cast judgments--that's what christians do, and I'm not about to fall into that trap. Palmer's enthusiasm is what got him chosen to live here, so have to realize that enthsiasm is going to present itself in different ways, not every one of which I'm going to care for all the time, but just have to deal with them all.
But once Palmer realizes it's his turn at bat, he relishes the opportunity to shine,
"I've lived all over the place--even in some other countries, but I was born in Colorado, Loveland to be precise, though I wouldn't exactly call it a 'land of love'!"
Not everyone finds his comment too funny; a few polite laughs are dispensed.
Undaunted, as he responds to most reactions to his actions, Palmer presses on: "I don't know how many of you got into the whole anti-Christian thing after reading Darwin's book but I've been into it for most of my life. I went to a Christian high school in Texas and I got them to abolish school prayer.
"I've fought with Missionaries in other countries who were trying to withhold medical supplies and food from indigenous people who refused to give up their native belief systems, you know mysticism and stuff like that. I'm not saying I subscribe to their beliefs, but what the Missionaries were doing wasn't right, I'm sure you will agree."
"Did you actually get the Missionaries to give the food without the preaching?" Anna asks, genuinely enthralled by Palmer's tale.
"Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't," Palmer answers vaguely. Boy loves to spin the yarn; can't help but wonder how much of that yarn is synthetic...?"
"As you can tell, I always wanted to be part of something bigger than myself--why else take on the biggest institution of them all--Christianity?
"And I'll admit, it's not as easy battle, and I'll even admit that for a time my enthusiasm on the subject had waned. That's not easy to admit, but I'll do it here, in front of all of you, my new friends and roommates. But it's true, my interest had diminished because I lacked inspiration and was having trouble generating it from within during this time.
"And then, I came across Darwin's book and that changed everything, as it did for many of you, I'm sure. Darwin's writing brought everything into crystal-clear focus for me, it renewed all those old interests, stirred my passions for taking Christianity by the balls--forgive me ladies, just wanted to emphasize the patriarchal nature of everybody's favorite religion."
Palmer certainly has the gift o' gab. Should have sent him on the lecture tour instead of me; he probably knows the Bye Bull better than I do.
"I was so into Darwin and his book, I followed him on his book tour, from city to city. And let me tell you, for those of you that don't know about all the crazy shit that went down on that book tour, you should ask Darwin to pop some popcorn and gather all the kiddies around and tell you all about it. But make sure you invite me, because I want to hear them all again!"
As various members eyes light up in anticipation over such swashbuckling tales to come, can't help but realize how much Palmer is like me, but a loose wire version. He doesn't have my control, but I lack his charisma and social sensibilities. Morph the two of us together into one fully realized human being, and you might have something there.
"But I don't want any of you getting the wrong impression I'm some kind of sycophant. No sirree, Darwin wouldn't have me here if I was. He wouldn't have any of you here if you were sycophants, either. That's not what Darwin is looking for and that's not what any of us are looking for. He's not a leader, and we're not followers. That's why I share his vision of the 'self-aware cult' A cult not dedicated to shrouding its members in some complex false religious or spiritual system, but a group fully prepared to expose those things that have plagued cults and society at large since the dawn of organized religion.
"I look forward to sharing this journey with each and every one of you."
And as Palmer receives a fair share of applause as he takes his seat, can't help but thinking he'd make quite the politician--if a wild-eyed, uncombed blonde hair anti-Christian too much energy whackjob could ever get elected to office.
Turn to Gina, the only Wheeler left who hasn't spoken, for what promises to be the most emotional of these intro's.
Despite Gina's outgoing nature, can sense her anxiety at having to share the recent emotional tumult in her life. Not that she has to share it, it's up to her. She can make it as short as Simon if she wants.
Somehow don't think she will...
"Hi everybody. I'm Gina Starkweather. I know, the last name is a mouthful, lucky my first name is short. Actually, it might not be 'Starkweather' for too much longer. See, I'm separated from my husband right now, he's down in ORANGE COUNTY...with my kids...my babies. My two daughters, Samantha and Laura, Samantha's the oldest, Laura's the youngest. And my son, Jake, he's in the middle..."
Uh oh, talking about her 'babies' proves to be the wrong subject matter for Gina to have brought up--it serves as an emotional trigger that gets the tears welling up in both her eyes.
Pressing on, she immediately wipes away at them with the back of her hand. Eliza rises quickly to hand her a tissue. Wonder if that gesture of Eliza's was more than purely altruistic? Even in her loose fitting T-shirt and jeans, there's no denying Gina's fantastic figure.
Regaining her composure, Gina continues, "Where was I before I got all weepy...? Oh yeah, about what lead up to my separation. Not sure if I'm even getting divorced or not, way too early to tell. I just needed to get away from that place, those people. Get away and clear my head.
"See, they all want you to be the same, you know, and I...I can't live my life like that. But my husband...he has all the money, you know, his family's all settled down there. I don't have any one, friends or family down there. All I have are my babies."
This time she manages to hold it together and not cry, even with the invocation of said 'babies'. But she's also rambling, speaking twice, three times as much as any one else here today--and that's fine; whatever it takes for her to work through this. That's why she came here.
"My kids are the whole reason all this happened, see, I don't want my kids to be raised Christian, I didn't--I don't want them to turn out being so narrow-minded, you know when it comes to things like gay marriage--"
She shoots a quick look at Eliza, who didn't require the acknowledgment on the subject, but still smiles back at Gina
"I didn't have kids so they could turn out to be little Christian clones, you know what I mean? I want them to grow up and think for themselves. My husband always had the kids go to private Christian schools and even though I didn't like it much, I went along with it because I figured at least they were getting a better education.
"But I see that was just a rationalization on my part--what kind of education are they getting if they're not thinking for themselves? I see that know. Darwin's book helped me to realize that, of course. When my husband found out I was reading it, he found the book hidden in my closet, he burned it in our backyard, can you believe that?"
Most of us roll our eyes and some display anger. Anna asks rhetorically, "What the hell was he doing going through your closet anyway?"
"Thank you," Gina replies. "See, that was the lack of respect I was dealing with living under the same roof with that man. He wanted to censor what I read, everything I did. And he wanted to completely control how the kids were being raised, and that's where I drew the line.
"Unfortunately, I didn't have any money or support to take the kids, so I had to leave. It broke my heart to leave my babi--my kids behind like that. I don't know if any of you have kids, but if you do, you know what I mean. I don't know, it just seemed like if I left, that would finally get everyone's attention, that I'm serious about the direction my life is going in and the way my kids are being raised, and I don't like either one of them and I want more of a say in how those things are going to be done.
"So one night, in the middle of the night, a couple days after he had burned the Bye Bull, I left a note next to his bible, saying he burned the wrong one!"
That gets a
"I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, if somehow I can get my kids away from there and raise them up here in San Francisco or somewhere in Northern California, where's it's more open-minded, somewhere where they can have the freedom to think for themselves, you know?
"Darwin said he knew some people, had some contacts that he thought maybe could help me with this."
Look over at Gina and nod with a silent smile. Not sure exactly what I can do for her, my 'contacts' consists of Ms. Cabal. Figured maybe she can do something for her, since she's the one who wanted me to form this cult house in the first place.
"Other than that, if anyone knows about a job or is in a position to hire, I am seeking work!" Gina adds emphatically.
That leads to a bit of an awkward silence--apparently no one's hiring.
Gina brushes it off, "Anyway, it's so exciting to be living with so many new people at once. You know, everything in my life has been happening so fast that I never really had time to sit back and think about it all. When Darwin offered me the chance to move up here and live with him, I was just thinking it'd be me and Darwin and his girlfriend; I never imagined it would be with all you people! This is amazing and just what I needed.
"Moving from one family to another. Though...I don't want to lose my old family..."
Tears start welling up in her eyes again...but she maintains control, and seems to finally decide she's had enough of public speaking for the the afternoon.
"I know I spoke a lot longer than anyone else, and I appreciate you having the patience to sit and listen to me between the teardrops."
That last comment endears Gina to the rest of us--and just in time. Knew her 'intro' was going to be heavy, but didn't think it'd get that emotional. Thought I might have caught an eye roll or two out there, certainly Palmer is growing fidgety. But she showed good timing and consideration for her fellow cultist by cutting things off when she did.
Seems like the opportune time for me to get back up in front of everyone, "So for better or worse, we all know each other better..."
"Or worse!" Ben cracks and most of us laugh.
"So we've met each other and christened the cult as it were--"
That gets a fair share of laughs
"Seems like there's a lot of restless energy to burn and I bet some of you haven't seen much of San Francisco yet, have you?"
"Just what I saw driving here," Gina confirms.
"I know some of us like Eliza are veterans, but others like Simon who've lived in teh Bay Area for a lot of years
INTRODUCE NAME
FIREWHEEL
DRAMATICALLY REVEAL FIREWHEEL PAINTING, THOUGH SOME HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE THEY'RE STILL IMPRESSED WITH THE SIGHT OF IT, ESPECIALLY IN THAT CONTEXT
DECIDE THAT CASSANDRA NEEDS TO HEAR THIS AND GO BACK TO THE BEDROOM
Feel a sense of warmth, like Cassandra is here, represented by the painting. Hell, the painting is about as talkative as she'd be, let's face it.
END OF ENTRY HAS THE GROUP HEADING OUT FOR A JAUNT TO GG PARK, THOUGH PALMER OPTS TO STAY BEHIND. I HEAR HIM MAKING A PHONE CALL, BUT HIS VOICE IS MUFFLED AND I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE LISTENING IN ON MY NEW ROOMIE ANYWAY.
Can't say the same for Cassandra, who looks like she just wants to sleep right past this day.
Have to live with it. Got her to let me move in seven more motherfuckers into this place, when it was supposed to be all about us just a few short months ago; can't expect her to fake-smile her way through this.
It'll have to come to her gradual.
And if it doesn't...?
Stick a toothbrush into my mouth and decide I'm not going to ponder that unanswered question any longer.
No point in introducing any negativity--or even uncertainty--into this day.
This historic day, actually.
No sign of Simon either; being Saturday he's likely sleeping in as well. Glad to have the bathroom all to myself as a result...
and this will be the last time it will be so free--tomorrow morning, there will be 10people vying for this john, and have a feeling not all of them are late sleepers.
Though this was all Ms. Cabal's doing, got to admit I'm surging with anticipation over the adventure that having a cult will bring.
That has to override the fact that Cassandra and I never got to fully explore just being a couple--not for very long.
As the hot water hits my face, I know how it would have gone, she would have painted in her room and I would have sat around figuring out what to do with the rest of the life now that I've already written my opus
But now, there is purpose.
Well, at least the purpose of forming the cult.
Not sure what Ms. Cabal has in store for it beyond this--a foundation for a new anti-christian movement, yes, but how in the hell does she intend to pull that off?
When it comes to that, guess I'm just a spectator like everyone else
As I towel myself dry, there's a nagging part of me resenting Ms. Cabal has such sway over my destiny? Yes, but can't deny that I want to be part of a new anti-christian movement.
I mean, what was I going to do, write the definitive book that could launch an anti-christian movement and then just sit on my ass and what, watch satellite TV?
Walk nude through the hallway for probably the last time, back to the bedroom. Cassandra still in her usual morning coma that doesn't relent until early afternoon lately; her painting sessions sometimes skim the surface of the dawn this last month.
And last night--I should say this morning--was perhaps her latest--earliest--session to date; it had to be past seven am when she crawled into bed.
Look over her long luxuriant hair tousled about her face and pillow, appreciating the sacrifice she's making by letting all these strangers move in so suddenly.
Though she wouldn't give up her painting room--so we're going to have to bunch three people in two of the rooms; and the only way it's going to work is with some kind of unisex arrangement, so that should prove interesting.
Just one of the many details that have to be ironed out if we're going to make this thing work. But deciding on who is sleeping where is one of the major ones, and I plan to address it early and often.
Hopefully not too often, providing it can be resolved quickly and with minimal conflict. It'd also serve as a barometer for how we can expect other potentially divisive issues to be meted out--at least in the early stages of the cult; obviously it's going to be an ever-shifting dynamic with so many disparate people, none of whom have ever lived together before.
And in the case of some--like Simon, have never lived with anyone before.
Thinking of him, lean next to his door and listen to hear if he's at least stirring.
Nope, not a peep.
Given how shy he is, can see he's probably not thrilled with so many peeps invading our cozy threesome before he's gotten a chance to get used to the two of us.
But he understands this is leading towards a higher purpose--though it's still going to be a bitch for him sharing a room with others.
Still with time before anyone's scheduled to show, realize I forgot something real important--head back to the living room and check out the 'little surprise' I have for everyone--currently shrouded by cloth, but to be dramatically revealed at the proper moment.
It's almost too quiet--the proverbial calm before the storm. But I hate when things go according to form--it usually means they're not going my way.
And just then, the still is shattered by a loud rapping on the front door...
Dash towards it, as my first concern is that Cassandra and Simon--but more importantly Cassandra--aren't violently woken.
Intuitively, even before I open the door I know it's going to be...
Palmer, with a shit-eating grin too damn wide this early on a Saturday morning. The boy just bleeds optimism.
"Darwin!" His voice as enthused as his smile. Unlike our two established roomies in slumberland, looks like there won't be any issues with Palmer sharing a room.
"Hey, Palmer, glad you could make it." Can't manage to match his enthusiasm, as I still haven't completely shaken the sleep out of my head yet.
We exchange an awkward half-hug and I gesture for him to enter with his worldly possessions; a duffel bag and a couple of boxes. Palmer seems like the type who could live out of his pockets let alone a suitcase; all he needs is his optimism.
After we step inside, lead him down the narrow hallway to a bedroom presently unoccupied and have him toss his stuff in there.
"Just till we can figure out who's going to sleep where."
Palmer nods affirmation as we move to the back of the flat, showing him the living room and the kitchen.
"C'mon, you can help me put out some snacks for the rest of our soon-to-be-roomies," I tell Palmer.
From the cupboards, I pull out a couple bowls and fill them with various fruits, Palmer helps me and asks:
"So, where is everyone?"
Rinse off a cluster of grapes while responding: "It's all pretty casual, there was no set time for anyone to show up really, even though I suggested the earlier the better just because there's so many people and you know people tend to show up later than you tell them too, so I didn't want half of the new people rolling in after dark."
"Makes sense."
"Thanks, Palmer. Sure you don't want me to call you by your first name?"
"Nah, Palmer's fine. Who really gives a shit about what someone's name is, right?"
"Right."
Well, somebody give a big shit about it, but good to see Palmer's ego is defused (or is it diffused?)
We finish dumping the rest of the fruit into the bowls and put them out on the living room coffee table.
WHAT SHOULD PALMER DISCUSS/REVEAL
Our conversation suddenly interrupted(?) by the doorbell ringing for the second time.
Tell Palmer to chill in the living room while I get the door. Walking down the long hallway, debate whether or not I should have had Palmer join me in greeting our latest member, but then that would set a bad precedent and get awfully messy by the time there were nine of us at the door greeting the poor last soul and probably scare the living daylights out of her or him.
Get two for the price of one when an elderly gentleman--has to be Dr. Richards and a sweet faced young lady--but I'm not sure if she's Eliza, Anna or Gina.
My quizzical look prompts her let me know, "I'm Anna. See, you should have insisted that we all sent you pics of us."
"Ah thank you. Greetings Anna, and Dr. Richards."
"Call me Doc--I see you didn't need a picture to identify me."
We share a 'we don't know each other enough yet to take anything negative' laugh over that as I explain, "Corny as it sounds, I didn't want to get all caught up in images--didn't want someone's picture influencing whether or not I'd invite them to join. In the case of Palmer--whom you're both about to meet--I had seen him prior to forming this group, but he was chosen based on our relationship and that I knew he was dedicated to forming such a group.
"Perhaps even more dedicated then I am..."
As if on cue we step into the living room where Palmer had been patient seated, almost in a trance...
But the minute he senses we're in the room, his eyes fly open and he springs to his feet, shaking Anna and Doc's hands most enthusiastically.
Instantly, the room is buzzing and it already feels like something bigger than each of us individually.
Still sleeping through it all are Simon and Cassandra, but that's okay, they'll join us in their own time.
Already this group is more than I could have ever hoped for--so I'm not expecting it to be anything more than it is now.
Doorbell rings again and already know that the group's going to be more than it is now...
Leave Doc, Anna and Palmer to meet and mingle as I head to the door.
Open it to find a vivacious woma that I just know has to be...
"Gina!"
"Darwin!" she screams back, waking more than one neighbor in the process I'm sure and then she hugs me, maybe a bit too friendly.
Not that I mind, despite my devotion to Cassandra, it always feels good to get hugged by a woman.
"It's so great to finally meet you!"
"You too, Gina. Thanks for agreeing to do this; it's nice to have a balance of women and guys."
She loosens the embrace, steps back and looks me dead in the eye: "Well...I hope that you chose me for reasons other than my gender."
Feel put on the spot for the first time today...but then, living with people is not going to be smooth sailing all the time, so might as well get used to it.
Still, she's waiting for some kind of response, so fumble to come up with something, "That's why I didn't ask for pictures."
"Not to worry honey," Gina says, as she saunters inside before I even have to invite her. "I'm just glad to be in this wonderful city--beats the hell out of Fresno, I'll tell you."
Before we even get halfway down the hallway, the doorbell rings violently once again, and we both turn to it
Don't even both telling Gina to wait in the back room, she wants to meet her new roomie right along with me
Open the door to find a slightly older woman standing before the pair of us, sporting spikey blonde hair, collared shirt and blue jeans. Though I've never seen her before, something tells me that it's...
"Eliza" she confirms with a friendly handshake.
She already told me she's lesbian, further confirmed by the way she looks at Gina--not with prison cell lust, but just admiring Gina's pretty facial features
(though I'm sure Gina's curves aren't lost upon her either)
Gina seems embarrassed by the attention, not sure how to respond, but not wanting to be impolite, she smiles and shakes Eliza's hand without saying anything
And just like that, all the vigor has been drained from Gina--at least for now.
DITA ARRIVAL
BEN ARRIVAL: Ben, despite being Asian (Chinese specifically) is easily the tallest of any of us, so much for the 'Asian guys are little & skinny' cliche. Ben looks like he could take out the rest of us with a yawn and a couple of good stretches.
INTRO/SERVE SANDWICHES, CASSANDRA HELPS WITH THAT, BUT THEN VACATES THE ROOM WHICH LEADS TO A HUSHED ARGUMENT BETWEEN THE TWO OF US
With cult members brand new and established alike feast on lemonade and sandwiches, slip out of the room, deciding it's better to stand back for a spell, removing my presence as de facto "leader" (god I hate that word) from the room, while simultaneously (and hopefully) allowing all of them to get to know each other and feel more comfortable with one another.
Cassandra seizes any opportunity to vacate the room where the most people are gathered and she heads back to her painting. Don't have the energy to pull any "Dom" shit on her--and besides, if she doesn't really want to be there, it's for the best, cause she'd just drain the energy from the rest of us.
Don't want to be hanging in the shadows like some creepy big brother, but am not going to the bedroom with Cassandra painting there. Having made her give up her 'studio', have to give her space when she paints.
Stroll dowh the long dark hallway of the flat. We should string a couple lights up--as soon as we figure out which cult member that is both good at that sort of thing and isn't too lazy to actually do it.
Could hang out in the bathroom, but without a function to perform, it doesn't seem to make much sense.
Once at the front door, step out onto the doorway to get some air and think about what I'm going to say to them. Have some notes in my backpocket that I typed up last night, but I don't want to read from some paper. That's just too flipping insincere--like I'm giving another lecture on the book tour, though I will be drawing from memory some of the best things I composed yesterday.
Yeah...the book tour...that could be good to draw upon...
Take a moment organizing the thoughts in my mind while absentmindedly watching an old man with a walker and a heavy sack of groceries struggling to move uphill to his home because he can't afford cab fare and enough food to eat and a young kid on a skateboard flowing effortlessly downhill, almost riding on the wind as he zips past the old man.
And it all becomes crystal clear to me in that one vision...
Take my sweet time moseying down the hall, but when I reach the end living room where all remain gathered, see that I didn't need to--everyone's pretty much finished eating, as chit chat has replaced chowing down.
Last thing I want to do is stomp out these organic conversations progressing between all these new flung friends. Or what we all hope are friends.
Ease myself into the room as quietly as possible, but notice that more and more pair of eyes fall upon me, as if waiting on my cue. Suppose it's only natural, seeing as I'm the reason they are even sitting here in the first place--but my job is to make them realize each one of them is the reason each one of them is here in the first place.
It's not too long before every conversation slows down to a halt and everyone's pretty much looking up at me for the next round of inspiration.
Seizing the moment, start off with: "Guess this as good a time as any to welcome you all here and let you all know a few things--a few important things that I want you to know right off the bat."
Damn, am stumbling over my own tongue here. Can feel my heart racing in my chest, got to come down, compose myself and get this right. Don't want to lose anyone the very first day. (Not that I'm really worried about that)
"First off, let me apologize for my shitty imitation of a public speaker. Yes, even though I've had experience speaking in front of crowds on that book tour I did last year that some of you saw me at--"
Palmer flashes me a beaming smile and I grin back
"But despite all those weeks of experience that culminated in a bookstore being blown up, speaking before all of you is a whole other level--because this isn't some promotional gig to sell more books or even see if a couple aspects of my philosophy resonate with a couple of lecture attendees; no, this is LIFE, every day of the week every minute of the day every second of every minute, and frankly I've never done anything approaching this before so I'm not standing up here claiming to be any sort of expert.
"Don't really know how to say any of this without sounding like a douchebag
"Let me welcome you all to your new home.
"Even though it was my book that brought us all together, it wouldn't be possible without you. Otherwise it'd be just Cassandra and I listening to the echoes. Her echoes--of paintbrush slapping against her canvas. No echoes from me.
That draws a laugh, but it's another chance to curse my exceptional peripheral vision, as I can see Cassandra is taking my last statement with a decidedly different perspective than the rest of the group CASSANDRA IS SUPPOSED TO BE PAINTING NOW
"Choosing the members of this cult was the last decision I'd like to make--at least the last decision I have to make essentially alone.
"I'll still make decisions, but as part of the larger group--and that's part of the experiment here, to see if true individualism can still flourish within the greater grouper dynamic.
"The aim here is to be a self-aware cult; the first cult that celebrates and inspires individuality, instead of suffocating it, like all the other cults have done."
"In the past, people bowed to the institution, like the church, and always placed it above the individual. With the cultural upheaval of the 1960's and beyond, individualism moved to the forefront, unfortunately to the detriment of the culture at large. Individual attainment, rather than greater cultural development, is now de rigueur.
"Our little group intends to integrate the two cultural phenomenon; we'll develop an institution where individual thrives first and foremost."
That notion seems to impress most of them.
For a moment my mind wanders and I wish Ms. Cabal could be here. Because I'm so preoccupied, it takes more than a few seconds until I remember that she is here. She's more here than any of us, actually. She's infused in every atom of being."
Before I get into the heavy stuff, look out into the gathering and decide there's one missing in this collage; Cassandra. Even if I had to drag her kicking and screaming to accept this--though 'gagged' is more appropriate than screaming in this context.
Either way, she should be here, now cloistered in the bedroom like it's still just me and her...much as that's what she wants it to be--and all she wants it to be.
First mistake is entering tentatively, like I don't belong there--like I have no right intruding upon her.
"What do you want, Darwin?" she asks sharply from behind the canvas, not budging in the slightest to look at me
Then really blow it by letting her intimidate enough to make me hesitate, "Uh...I was just...you know, wondering...if you...if you want to sit in on the meeting--you know, I'm about to tell them some very important things and you're a part of this and you should be there. To listen. Even if you don't want to say anything, just so you're there. Make your presence felt."
She's not buying any of it: "I don't want to make my presence felt--I want to paint. This whole thing is your thing, Darwin. My thing is painting. So let me do my thing and you can go do your thing."
Have two choices here. Can really go off and get into it with her or I can back off.
If I get into it--even if we're quiet--I'm going to go back out there to face and interact with all those people and be drained or frazzled or maybe even visibly pissed off, which will give off the wrong vibes right off the bat to my new found friends.
And that's the last thing I want.
Only till I'm headed back down the hall do I realize that the only way that's going to work with her it the Dominant way. But I just don't have the energy to sustain it like Ms. Cabal does--course, she has the energy to sustain anything forever.
I can't be Dominant with her and run around and be myself with all these other people. And if it means Cassandra's not a part of the cult--Firewheel--then so be it.
Firewheel. First time I said it to myself in normal thought like that.
Can't wait to try it out on the rest of the crew.
Not sure whether I should be impressed--or worried--when I find everyone basically waiting attentively and patiently for my return. Might've figured most of 'em would be broken into little cliques and clacks engaged in half-a-dozen conversations about everything except the subject of this meeting--that is, the formation of the cult.
But again, the main priority is maintaining individualism above all else--to be the first cult to transcend its own trappings of rigid conformity.
"Hey, everyone, thanks for waiting. Cassandra won't be joining us for this meeting--she's not feeling well."
Wonder how many times I'll have to use that lie.
No, not going to worry about that now. This isn't about me or her or me and her. It's about them.
It's about these eight optimistic motherfuckers who actually moved from all over the country, from points far and wide to mortgage their present and possibly future lives to experiment with me.
"So...where to begin? So much to say to all of you, but I know I can't possibly cover it all in one little powwow; and wouldn't want to, frankly, because it'd be too much for you to absorb and me to remember.
"The first thing I want to say is that I don't know if this experiment is going to work--but I do know it's going to be the worth the effort"
Bunch of smiles light up in response
"I think we've all had our share of living life the way it's been lived by people for so many years, and we've found it to be less than gratifying and a long way from satisfying.
"That's why we've come together, here, from all across the country. Not to find ourselves--I think most if not all of us know who we are--but to find out where we fit in. Is it here? Is this kind of group dynamic living arrangement? I don't know. Let's find out, shall we?"
Spontaneous applause breaks out and feels like I'm back on lecture circuit for the moment.
During that last spiel, looked at everyone except Gina. She might be the one person here still looking for herself.
Should've looked at her.
"This is yours just as much as it is mine. But since it was my idea, I did name the cult; though the inspiration came from the aforementioned Cassandra..."
Step through the gathering as I make my way, slowly, building the drama, to the back of the living room...
Until I reach the object mounted on the wall behind the faux fireplace covered by a black cloth. Made sure no light was cast upon it, so no attention would be drawn to it, not that I had to be too worried about that, no one noticed it in the least.
All the better, it heightens the drama as I swipe the cloth covering to reveal...
The FireWheel painting
Everyone's impressed, even Palmer as he scoffs, "Ha! I've seen that before!"
"Indeed, Palmer, 'tis the very same painting that I brought with me on my lecture tour. A good luck charm, if you will. And it's such a powerful symbol--so damn fitting for everything my writing--and now this cult--represent.
"Sure you've all heard it before, but this morning, this occasion, is as good a time as any to reiterate the meaning of it--when humans managed to create Fire and manipulate it for their own ends, they transcended some of their need for a god to worship, just a little bit. Then, later, when humans invented the Wheel and applied it to everyday life, they transcended some of their need for a god to worship, just a little bit more.
"Ah, but we still have religion and have ever since ancient times, you say. That's why I say we've just transcended it a little bit
"Here at the Cult FireWheel, we intend to transcend it considerably more than just a 'little bit'
And a collective roar ushers forth, the first time, they've combined their vocal prowess,
But I dare say/reckon it won't be the last..
But something stirs within me, reminding me to keep myself and this group as humble as possible: "Nobody remembers the name of the first person who mastered fire or whoever invented the first functioning wheel. Those names have been lost to history, and maybe what we're doing will be lost to history because it ends up being too damn obscure, but that doesn't matter, it's the progress we're making.
"Many of you are here because you want to get beyond the life most lead where they either do nothing or just engage in drama for drama's sake. There's no progressing towards something different...perhaps not better, but definitely not the same.
"Not to mention the fact the image of a burning wheel is just fucking evocative.
END:
"Hopefully this will be the last speech I'll ever have to give. The rest of you are all obligated to before I have to make another one," I insist with a wink.
"Now comes the part where I make you feel like you just started a new job--with one exception. Yes, you have to stand up before everyone and talk, but you're not required to tell them anything--not even your name, I'll do that for you."
Most laugh at that, but I can tell Simon is not thrilled with the prospect of public speaking, he's looking up, down, sideways, anywhere but in my direction.
And that's precisely why...
"Simon, why don't you go first"
Terror strikes Simon Miller--his eyes spike wider than the Seven Seas combined, like someone jammed the two Mastodon toothpicks in between each set of his lids.
Not sure how he manages to get up without fainting, but he does and moves slowly towards me...
Lean in quickly, drawing Simon close to me as I whisper assurance, "Sorry to put you on the firing line like this buddy, but I chose you first so you could get it out of the way and not have to sit their and sweat it out waiting for it to be 'your turn'
"If you can't think of anything to say, just tell them what you're doing in Berkeley. It's the only thing you think about, right?"
With most people, I'd be kidding, but not with Simon.
The simple logic of it all appeals instantly to Simon and he flashes me a warm smile of gratitude...
...which quickly vanishes when I sit down, redering him a solo act.
"Hi...I don't have much to say...if you couldn't tell, I'm not much of a public speaker>'
Yes, we know that, Simon, oh lord, how we know that!
Wish I could have handed him a microphone, his voice is so low--plus it seem like if he could hold something, it might help his concentration or something.
"I've already been living here--my bedroom is the one nearest the bathroom. I suppose I'll be sharing it with one of you starting tonight. Darwin did not explain the procedure for selecting roommates."
Simon's robotic tone and raw-gut honestly draws a few laughs from some of the ladies.
Perhaps Simon won't be as unpopular as he initially feared...
"I can tell you all you need to know about me in a single sentence: My life's work is to create a completely indestructible yet completely malleable substance, the likes of which the world has never seen."
With that, Simon promptly sits back down exactly where he was sitting, leaving more than a couple of the group exasperated, or at least, wanting more
Anna even gestures like she's raising her hand, but I quickly put the kibosh on that:
"This isn't a press conference; anybody can say as much--or as little--as they want and that's that; if any of you want to ask anyone else a question, do it one-on-one in private."
Almost regret the authority in my voice, but I do get a little protective around Simon; wonder if I'll end up feeling that way about any of the others?
I imagine so...
INCLUDE DESCRIPT OF THEIR VOICES
"Guess I should make this boy-girl-boy-girl," I muse out loud, "so...Anna, you're up next."
Guilt-free choice; can see right off the bat that Anna has no problems speaking in public, as evidenced by how freely the words flow from her mouth
"Hey y'all, I'm Anna Belmont. I'm from Fremont, Nebraska--and I believe y'all have a Fremont out here too if I'm not mistaken--"
I nod affirmation
"Thank you, Darwin, I didn't want to confuse anyone in thinking I was from right around the corner. San Francisco is a different world, but that's what I wanted, because the world I was living in, back in Fremont--Nebraska--wasn't very much of a world at all.
"I'm sure like most of you, I read Darwin's book and that showed me there is more out there than just what the little isolated world that surrounds you has to offer.
"I don't know how much any of you are involved in the struggle for a woman's right to choose. I was thinking--okay, I was hoping, that at least a couple of you are up on it, considering what Darwin stands for and what he's written about. Another reason I'm here, frankly.
"Fremont, unfortunately, is the home to State Senator Nick Fuller; he's the asshole--pardon my French--who passed the legislation requiring each woman to have a ultrasound of the fetus before they have the abortion, and then forcing the woman to look at the ultrasound image of the fetus."
Can see the disgust registered in my new roomies; once again providing confirmation I made the right selections.
She is the opposite of Simon--she's not holding anything back, but I'm not about to cut her off, didn't say how much--or how little anyone had to say.
This experience is going to teach me patience if nothing else.
"So I think y'all are already getting an idea of why I didn't fit in too well with Fremont, Nebraska."
Chuckles fill the room, only bolstering Anna's confidence to open up further
"I didn't want to be around people where I had to pretend--I wasn't going to pretend.
She smiles upon her new-found friends.
"I don't have to pretend around you."
"So I didn't want to pretend and I didn't want to live in a place that was so restrictive about women's rights."
Her eyes drift to me to accentuate her , "And when Darwin wrote me that he was looking for people to move into this big ol' Victorian of his, I would have been crazy not to jump at the opportunity, you know? So here I am!"
It'd be hard to bridle her enthusiasm; Anna Belmont will ensure that it'll never get too cynical 'round these parts.
"But enough politics--what do you want to know about me personally? I am single and probably ready to mingle as they say--"
Palmer & Ben let out simultaneous whoops at the prospect; Doc is too dignified and Simon too shy.
Anna continues: "I'm a voracious reader--though I probably would have read Darwin's book even if I wasn't. If any of y'all have any spare books you can lend me, feel free to do so, I'm always looking to read something. So that means whoever gets unlucky enough to room with me will have to put up with my nightlight."
A couple groans scattered amongst the laughs, guess we know who Anna won't be bunking with come nightfall.
Speaking of which, that's another things we have to come up with by the time this session is adjourned, but all in due time...
Thinking about Palmer next--but he'll ratchet the flamboyancy a bit too high following Anna, so I opt for Ben Chan, computer nerd, meaning he's a genius in ways I could never hope to be.
Ben's easy-going about everything in life and shows it to everyone here straight away by his nonchalant manner of getting to his feet and finally standing semi-slouched before his new cohabitants.
"Hey...I'm Ben. I'm a programmer, so if, uh, anyone has any computer problems, you can just ask me and I can probably help you."
He suddenly turns to me, "Do you have plans to implement a network in this house?"
Scratch my head only partially for effect and mutter, "You might want to wait till I'm awake a few hours before asking me such technical questions. I haven't even thought of it, Ben, to be perfectly honest with you, and you should know there's nothing more perfect than my honesty."
Think he gets it as he cracks a half-smile.
Then Ben surveys the room and for the first time, really looks at the rest of us, and loosens up a bit.
"You're probably wondering what this big Asian guy--Chinese to be exact--is doing here living in this anti-Christian commune with the rest of you? That's because I wasn't raised Buddhist or Socialist or anything like that; I was actually raised Christian, in Mountain View, which is a suburb of San Fran, about 30 minutes or so south of here, though outside of going to a concert, I can't really think of any reason for going there, kind of like Anna--is that right?__was saying. Sorry if I forget some of your names for the first couple of days--or weeks, while I'm still getting to know everyone.
"See I've lived with my family my whole life up until now so those are the only names I've ever really had to know, outside of a few friends here and there.
"But I was always the 'black sheep' of the family when it came to religion. My father is the type who expects every member of the family to be sitting in the church pews on time Sunday morning for the 10 am mass. He's like that, and my Mom is pretty much the same way. Same goes for my brothers and sisters.
"But I never really bought into it. Guess because I'm so into science; I mean I'm no Simon over here--"
Ben gestures towards Simon who blushes in response at the attention. Ben will soon learn--they'll all soon learn just how much Simon hates attention.
Ben continues: "As I was saying, I'm all about science, at least as a layman, but I do know computers. and the logic of computers has always appealed to me. I never found that same logic in Christianity, not even close. How exactly does believing in Jesus grant me forgiveness of sins I've committed? When you break it down--like Darwin does so well--you see that the things Christianity wants you to believe in doesn't really hold up to any serious scrutiny.
"They just want you to take it on faith--like my parents. So you can see thinking I do, it wasn't really going to work with them, but I didn't know where to go. The thought of living on my own was too scary. When I started email correspondence with Darwin, and just casually asked him if he knew anyone looking for a roommate, never would've thought in a million years that he would've invited me to live here with him--and all of you."
Sweet way to end it by Ben as he spreads his arms out wide to sort of symbolize how he's considering all of them--us--to be part of his life now. Or something like that.
Scan the room and decide it's Eliza's turn to bat. Could have just as easily chosen Dita, but don't want Eliza to feel like she's being shortchanged because she's a lesbian. Probably something Eliza doesn't even care about, and I'm probably unnecessarily overcompensating, but that's the kind of thing I'm going to have to learn living with all different kinds of people.
Hell, living with people. Cassandra doesn't count; I've lived with women before, that's a whole other dynamic than sharing a house with nine others, having never met six of them before today.
Eliza's sexuality is expressed in her choice of clothing; men's corduroy pants, collared shirt, black work boots, her hair swept to one side, short, not 'styled' in the least.
Funny, didn't analyze the fashion choices of any of the others. Going to take some time
"Like most of you, I'm an outcast in a way--but what lead me here might be the exact opposite of why most if not all of you are here. Religion, Christianity, is a part of what makes me an outcast, but not because of my view towards it, but rather because of its views towards me.
"If you haven't already guessed, I'm lesbian, have been all my life, or at least as long as I've been expressing my sexuality. See, I'm from a small town, make that a conservative small town in New Hampshire called Windham. Lots of money there, but not much tolerance.
"Put it this way, their town motto is "Guided by Timeless Values"
"I can relate--I heard 'values' a lot too growing up in Nebraska," Anna interjects (some would say interrupts, but I'm striving towards harmony here on our inaugural day)
"Nebraska is probably a lot like New Hampshire--except your Midwestern sincerity is replaced by our East Coast snobbery," Eliza retorts deferentially.
"At least the average IQ in your hometown was above 68 I'm guessing" Anna shoot backs, and can see the rest of us are enjoying their interplay.
Wonder if Eliza has her eyes on the cute-as-a-button Anna Belmont?
Oops there I go having those thoughts I really shouldn't be indulging in; at least not during our inaugural day.
"I got tired of being told that it wasn't acceptable to be lesbian and the 'once I got out of high school' I had better change. The school wouldn't let me bring my girlfriend to my senior prom. Then I got tired of being told I'd better stop being lesbian 'once I got out of college'
"But of course, I'm still lesbian--couldn't change it if I wanted to, which I don't. I'm romantically and sexually attracted to women, it's as simple as that.
Once I got out of college I was able to be self-sufficient; I'm a graphic designer, so I was able to leave my family behind, even though it meant being disowned and giving up lots and lots of money..."
Can see Gina's eyes light up from all the way across the room
"I wanted to get away from the East Coast, so New York was never really an option. San Francisco was just what I was looking for in a place to live and being 3,000 miles away from home sealed the deal. And I've been here ever since.
"And ever since I"ve been here, I've taken advantage of the alternative lifestyles San Francisco has tooffer in spades; and I don't just mean lesbian lifestyle, I mean like ploysexual households, communes, things like that. And now, what darwin is offering us here. I recently broke up with a long-time girfriend and let her have the apratment, so the time was ripe for a fresh start."
"I know all about needing a fresh start," Gina volunteers, somewhat self-consciously and her eye catches Eliza's.
Hate to do this to Doc, who looks so damn comfortable reclining in his chair, but I call him for his turn to stand up before us. He has a little trouble getting to his feet and Anna helps him up.
Amused I called it 'his chair' when Doc just arrived here not more than a couple hours ago. But he's just made it 'his chair', even in this short time.
Doc's voice is a little gruff at first and he clears his throat with a sip or two of water before really getting start on his monologue, "I've always been a freethinker, suppose I've had to be in this culture being an abortionist.
"What most appealed to me about Darwin's book was the 'Moral Imperative for Abortion' essay, or that section of a larger essay, I can't recall which at this point."
"Uh oh, you just lost points for not knowing that, Doc," Palmer chides, "we're all big Darwin Grimm fans here!"
Doc cracks what I can see is going to be the first of many characteristic wide, sweet smiles. His voice is soft-spoken, MORE "Before any of you ask, I am 66 years old, and I realize that easily makes me the oldest member of our little assemblage.
"Like some of you, I too was at a crossroads in my life. You see, I lost my wife of 42 years just last year. I know most of you haven't even been alive 42 years, let alone been married that long, so let me tell you that if you ever are fortunate enough to be married to someone for that long a time that you do become like one person with your partner. And when one of the partner dies, that one person doesn't really exist anymore, it's more like a ghost walking around looking to fill the void with its presence."
Doc's pretty damn eloquent, he's even melting my cold cruel heart a bit.
"I am only semi-retired, so I still have my practice and my patients to fulfill me with s sense of purpose, at least on the professional level. But on the personal level, as I said, there was something missing.
"Something that was not going to be fulfilled on my own. I had a great big empty house in Marin that I tried filling up with furniture and nick-knacks after Rebecca died. That's why I jumped at the chance to come here and stay among all you young creative vital people.
"It's not many senior folks like myself who get a chance to have a new life at such an advanced age and I intend to take advantage of it."
Maybe it is because he's the oldest member, but that last comment gets Doc a big round of applause, even from Simon. Always encouraging to see Simon get engaged on a social level to any degree.
Dita's shock of blonde hair shines brighter when I choose her to speak next. She apologizes for her thick German accent, but it's not necessary.
"I haff alvays been a beeg reader ov Nietzsche; I alvays velt as dough he vaz der reel spirit ov Deutschland, a spirit dat haff been pervurted doo many dimez; by der Kaiser, by Hitler, den by a gover-nment und itz kolleckzion of Kirchensteuer--"
Think we've all done a pretty good job following Dita so far, but that word leaves most of the room befuddled.
Dita is only confused by our confusion for a scant moment, then realizes her faux pas, "Oh! I am zorry, I failud to tranzlate--Kirchensteuer meanz 'church tax'--die mayjor religeeons ov Deutschland are vunded by der gover-ment Eff you dink separazion ov kurch und stadt iz joke in dis kuntree, you shuld zee it in Deutschland!"
Couple of us flash wide eyes, trying to imagine how separation of church and state could be more of a joke anywhere else than right here in the land that allegedly originated the concept.
"Dat iz part ov die reazon I choose Amerika to live afder I graduated Univericity im Dresden, I made decision I had rilly had enuff of Deutschland and iff I vas ever to find the freedom I vanted, I vould have to come to Amerika at leest to try!
"Zo here I am, and I am still searching and when I read Darvin's vonderful book, of course he reminded me ov Nietaxsche in zo zo meeny vways, dat I had to take him up on his offer of starting a new kind of kultur here in dis haus."
Notice Simon staring intently at Dita as she speaks. Wonder if he's attracted to her? Wonder if it's possible for him to be attracted to any woman or is it just nanotubes that get him hard?
My choices are easy now, last male, Palmer, which was intentional. Since I targeted Gina to go last, wanted to juxtapose the bombast of Palmer before her and whatever she's planning to share about her life.
Tap Palmer on the shoulder signalling him his turn his next and he's genuinely surprised it's his turn to speak.
One thing that's annoying about Palmer, he makes a big deal about everything, nothing is smooth with him. He's a frenetic, frantic ball of energy that hopefully is goinog to work with a group of people I perceive to be generally laid-back, if not downright anti-social in the case of Simon.
Still, it's too early to cast judgments--that's what christians do, and I'm not about to fall into that trap. Palmer's enthusiasm is what got him chosen to live here, so have to realize that enthsiasm is going to present itself in different ways, not every one of which I'm going to care for all the time, but just have to deal with them all.
But once Palmer realizes it's his turn at bat, he relishes the opportunity to shine,
"I've lived all over the place--even in some other countries, but I was born in Colorado, Loveland to be precise, though I wouldn't exactly call it a 'land of love'!"
Not everyone finds his comment too funny; a few polite laughs are dispensed.
Undaunted, as he responds to most reactions to his actions, Palmer presses on: "I don't know how many of you got into the whole anti-Christian thing after reading Darwin's book but I've been into it for most of my life. I went to a Christian high school in Texas and I got them to abolish school prayer.
"I've fought with Missionaries in other countries who were trying to withhold medical supplies and food from indigenous people who refused to give up their native belief systems, you know mysticism and stuff like that. I'm not saying I subscribe to their beliefs, but what the Missionaries were doing wasn't right, I'm sure you will agree."
"Did you actually get the Missionaries to give the food without the preaching?" Anna asks, genuinely enthralled by Palmer's tale.
"Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't," Palmer answers vaguely. Boy loves to spin the yarn; can't help but wonder how much of that yarn is synthetic...?"
"As you can tell, I always wanted to be part of something bigger than myself--why else take on the biggest institution of them all--Christianity?
"And I'll admit, it's not as easy battle, and I'll even admit that for a time my enthusiasm on the subject had waned. That's not easy to admit, but I'll do it here, in front of all of you, my new friends and roommates. But it's true, my interest had diminished because I lacked inspiration and was having trouble generating it from within during this time.
"And then, I came across Darwin's book and that changed everything, as it did for many of you, I'm sure. Darwin's writing brought everything into crystal-clear focus for me, it renewed all those old interests, stirred my passions for taking Christianity by the balls--forgive me ladies, just wanted to emphasize the patriarchal nature of everybody's favorite religion."
Palmer certainly has the gift o' gab. Should have sent him on the lecture tour instead of me; he probably knows the Bye Bull better than I do.
"I was so into Darwin and his book, I followed him on his book tour, from city to city. And let me tell you, for those of you that don't know about all the crazy shit that went down on that book tour, you should ask Darwin to pop some popcorn and gather all the kiddies around and tell you all about it. But make sure you invite me, because I want to hear them all again!"
As various members eyes light up in anticipation over such swashbuckling tales to come, can't help but realize how much Palmer is like me, but a loose wire version. He doesn't have my control, but I lack his charisma and social sensibilities. Morph the two of us together into one fully realized human being, and you might have something there.
"But I don't want any of you getting the wrong impression I'm some kind of sycophant. No sirree, Darwin wouldn't have me here if I was. He wouldn't have any of you here if you were sycophants, either. That's not what Darwin is looking for and that's not what any of us are looking for. He's not a leader, and we're not followers. That's why I share his vision of the 'self-aware cult' A cult not dedicated to shrouding its members in some complex false religious or spiritual system, but a group fully prepared to expose those things that have plagued cults and society at large since the dawn of organized religion.
"I look forward to sharing this journey with each and every one of you."
And as Palmer receives a fair share of applause as he takes his seat, can't help but thinking he'd make quite the politician--if a wild-eyed, uncombed blonde hair anti-Christian too much energy whackjob could ever get elected to office.
Turn to Gina, the only Wheeler left who hasn't spoken, for what promises to be the most emotional of these intro's.
Despite Gina's outgoing nature, can sense her anxiety at having to share the recent emotional tumult in her life. Not that she has to share it, it's up to her. She can make it as short as Simon if she wants.
Somehow don't think she will...
"Hi everybody. I'm Gina Starkweather. I know, the last name is a mouthful, lucky my first name is short. Actually, it might not be 'Starkweather' for too much longer. See, I'm separated from my husband right now, he's down in ORANGE COUNTY...with my kids...my babies. My two daughters, Samantha and Laura, Samantha's the oldest, Laura's the youngest. And my son, Jake, he's in the middle..."
Uh oh, talking about her 'babies' proves to be the wrong subject matter for Gina to have brought up--it serves as an emotional trigger that gets the tears welling up in both her eyes.
Pressing on, she immediately wipes away at them with the back of her hand. Eliza rises quickly to hand her a tissue. Wonder if that gesture of Eliza's was more than purely altruistic? Even in her loose fitting T-shirt and jeans, there's no denying Gina's fantastic figure.
Regaining her composure, Gina continues, "Where was I before I got all weepy...? Oh yeah, about what lead up to my separation. Not sure if I'm even getting divorced or not, way too early to tell. I just needed to get away from that place, those people. Get away and clear my head.
"See, they all want you to be the same, you know, and I...I can't live my life like that. But my husband...he has all the money, you know, his family's all settled down there. I don't have any one, friends or family down there. All I have are my babies."
This time she manages to hold it together and not cry, even with the invocation of said 'babies'. But she's also rambling, speaking twice, three times as much as any one else here today--and that's fine; whatever it takes for her to work through this. That's why she came here.
"My kids are the whole reason all this happened, see, I don't want my kids to be raised Christian, I didn't--I don't want them to turn out being so narrow-minded, you know when it comes to things like gay marriage--"
She shoots a quick look at Eliza, who didn't require the acknowledgment on the subject, but still smiles back at Gina
"I didn't have kids so they could turn out to be little Christian clones, you know what I mean? I want them to grow up and think for themselves. My husband always had the kids go to private Christian schools and even though I didn't like it much, I went along with it because I figured at least they were getting a better education.
"But I see that was just a rationalization on my part--what kind of education are they getting if they're not thinking for themselves? I see that know. Darwin's book helped me to realize that, of course. When my husband found out I was reading it, he found the book hidden in my closet, he burned it in our backyard, can you believe that?"
Most of us roll our eyes and some display anger. Anna asks rhetorically, "What the hell was he doing going through your closet anyway?"
"Thank you," Gina replies. "See, that was the lack of respect I was dealing with living under the same roof with that man. He wanted to censor what I read, everything I did. And he wanted to completely control how the kids were being raised, and that's where I drew the line.
"Unfortunately, I didn't have any money or support to take the kids, so I had to leave. It broke my heart to leave my babi--my kids behind like that. I don't know if any of you have kids, but if you do, you know what I mean. I don't know, it just seemed like if I left, that would finally get everyone's attention, that I'm serious about the direction my life is going in and the way my kids are being raised, and I don't like either one of them and I want more of a say in how those things are going to be done.
"So one night, in the middle of the night, a couple days after he had burned the Bye Bull, I left a note next to his bible, saying he burned the wrong one!"
That gets a
"I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, if somehow I can get my kids away from there and raise them up here in San Francisco or somewhere in Northern California, where's it's more open-minded, somewhere where they can have the freedom to think for themselves, you know?
"Darwin said he knew some people, had some contacts that he thought maybe could help me with this."
Look over at Gina and nod with a silent smile. Not sure exactly what I can do for her, my 'contacts' consists of Ms. Cabal. Figured maybe she can do something for her, since she's the one who wanted me to form this cult house in the first place.
"Other than that, if anyone knows about a job or is in a position to hire, I am seeking work!" Gina adds emphatically.
That leads to a bit of an awkward silence--apparently no one's hiring.
Gina brushes it off, "Anyway, it's so exciting to be living with so many new people at once. You know, everything in my life has been happening so fast that I never really had time to sit back and think about it all. When Darwin offered me the chance to move up here and live with him, I was just thinking it'd be me and Darwin and his girlfriend; I never imagined it would be with all you people! This is amazing and just what I needed.
"Moving from one family to another. Though...I don't want to lose my old family..."
Tears start welling up in her eyes again...but she maintains control, and seems to finally decide she's had enough of public speaking for the the afternoon.
"I know I spoke a lot longer than anyone else, and I appreciate you having the patience to sit and listen to me between the teardrops."
That last comment endears Gina to the rest of us--and just in time. Knew her 'intro' was going to be heavy, but didn't think it'd get that emotional. Thought I might have caught an eye roll or two out there, certainly Palmer is growing fidgety. But she showed good timing and consideration for her fellow cultist by cutting things off when she did.
Seems like the opportune time for me to get back up in front of everyone, "So for better or worse, we all know each other better..."
"Or worse!" Ben cracks and most of us laugh.
"So we've met each other and christened the cult as it were--"
That gets a fair share of laughs
"Seems like there's a lot of restless energy to burn and I bet some of you haven't seen much of San Francisco yet, have you?"
"Just what I saw driving here," Gina confirms.
"I know some of us like Eliza are veterans, but others like Simon who've lived in teh Bay Area for a lot of years
INTRODUCE NAME
FIREWHEEL
DRAMATICALLY REVEAL FIREWHEEL PAINTING, THOUGH SOME HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE THEY'RE STILL IMPRESSED WITH THE SIGHT OF IT, ESPECIALLY IN THAT CONTEXT
DECIDE THAT CASSANDRA NEEDS TO HEAR THIS AND GO BACK TO THE BEDROOM
Feel a sense of warmth, like Cassandra is here, represented by the painting. Hell, the painting is about as talkative as she'd be, let's face it.
END OF ENTRY HAS THE GROUP HEADING OUT FOR A JAUNT TO GG PARK, THOUGH PALMER OPTS TO STAY BEHIND. I HEAR HIM MAKING A PHONE CALL, BUT HIS VOICE IS MUFFLED AND I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE LISTENING IN ON MY NEW ROOMIE ANYWAY.
posted by Darwin Grimm at 11:35 PM
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