Entry VII--Hash Wednesday (Part 3)

FOR THE FIRST TWO PARTS OF HASH WEDNESDAY AND THE FIRST 6 ENTRIES OF THIS NOVEL, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN AND/OR ACCESS PAST ARCHIVES)

"On Earth as it is in Heaven..."

Though I must maintain my concentration, can't help reflecting back to a time when I genuinely believed these words, when I was a kid, when I was positive that God and Jesus were listening to me recite the Lord's Prayer.

And then, I slip...

"Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our...sins, as we forgive those who...trespass against us."

As soon as I uttered "trespass," I knew where I had fucked up. It's not "forgive us our sins," it's "forgive us our trespasses"

Just a little mistake, really--trespass in this context is just a substitute for sin--though some would argue it means "debts."

But that's not good enough for Pleasant, and once again the crop comes riding down across my mug, hard.

Want to scream but know that'll just get me another one, harder.

Drop of blood from somewhere on my face falls on the church rug, staining the perfect white with evidence of my incompetence.


Man, felt that last smack of the crop against my face in this parallel reality, that's how hard it was.

That's why I hope I wasn't getting too far afield with the whole paganism/devil tangent in my scribing, don't want to incur the wrath of Ms. Cabal and have to endure the same punishment from her riding crop.

That distraction floats away soon enough, replaced by another issue I seek to explore...

Fasting, like receiving the ashes, is a ritual. Ritual is the cornerstone of all religions, serving as a continously reinforced measure of control. The freethinker rejects ritual because it restricts cultural growth from generation to generation.

Like other christian measures of control (such as baptism), receiving the ashes presumes the receiver as "sinful" and thus the receiver must engage in the ritual in order to "overcome" the sin, be it willingly or unwittingly (such as a newborn baby being baptized. Nobody asked the kid if he wanted to be dunked in water like an apple on Halloween).

Having ashes rubbed on the forehead ties the receiver closer to the belief on a physical level, it actualizes christianity in the believer's mind, it makes it more tangible and visceral. christianity needs such rituals and physical experiences to appeal to every person's natural connection to reality; otherwise christianity is just an unknowable abstraction based on blind faith.

But looking past the ritual and the symbolism of the ashes, one sees that it's all about control. The ashes, baptismal water, communion wafers et al are all interchangeable parts, window dressing. Control's the thing.

That despicable notion--that humans are "sinners" that have to be "saved" is how one's freewill is broken--or worse, prevented from ever developing.

Freewill brakes when one substitutes his/her own judgment for the judgment of a deity--or a human representing said deity. With no judgment of their own, believers are susceptible to accept the false notion that they are "sinners," that they are lowly creatures before god/christ.

By buying into christianity's moral code, the believer is transformed into a sinner who lacks self-possession. Just a mindless automoton, ready willing and able to do the bidding of the church.

With these lenses of perception, it's not much of a reach to see when the christian accepts the ashes, it's not unlike cattle being branded for slaughter.

"Lenses of perception"--does that sound too pretentious? Ah well, the first draft of anything is shit, so it stays for now. My purpose remains fill the pages and save my eyes from the pain of the burning light.

Accepting that one is a sinner is not beneficial. It does not humble an individual properly, rather it sets her/him at odds with her/himself, and could even contribute to a person's inhibition from succeeding in the world due to lack of self-confidence engendered

(Gee...I wouldn't be referring to anyone I know, now would I?)

One way to break the chain of control and wrest back one's freewill is to abandon the ritual, to not participate in it, and replace that empty space, that empty ritual with an act of creativity or a discovery in consciousness expansion, so that one grows instead of repeating.

Not sure about that last bit there--do I really wanna come off sounding like some half-baked self-help guru? Have always made fun of and held disdain for those books and their authors, and I don't want to fall into the manipulative trap of making false promises.

Why, I'd be no better than christianity.

But I am encouraged by the bit I wrote about abadoning ritual. The idea of wholesale, widespread rejection of a particular component of christianity intrigues me, as if it's something I could revisit throughout my writings for Ms. Cabal.

(Hmm, say that like I'm actually serious about producing something of substance for her).

One thing's for sure, am beginning to look forward to the challenge of writing this book for Ms. Cabal...


Think I've finally got this sh--er, prayer stuff figured out. Think I can finish this without getting my face beaten off by Pleasant's stiff riding crop.

It came to me as a momentary reflection before, but what I've really got to do is really concentrate in order to sincerely project my childhood memories into my recitation of the Lord's Prayer, back when I was that faithful kid who went to church alone every Sunday, even while his family was sleeping off their hangovers or just didn't care enough to get up early on the Lord's Day.

So with a loud clear, umcompromising tone, I revisit the lines that had been my downfall just moments ago:

"Give us this day our daily bread...
And forgive us our trespassess...
As we forgive those who trespass against us..."

And for the first time ever, the full implication of the words becomes clear to me; in order for God to forgive us our sins, all we need do is repent for those sins. Therefore, if we expect God to forgive us our sins, we must be prepared to forgive others, who are just sinners like us.

(Hmm...say that like I belive in every word and am ready to do anything for God).

One thing's for sure, am beginning to look forward to the challenge of reciting this prayer for Rev. Pleasant...

Yield not to temptation and don't look up for Pleasant's approval, but rather lower my neck and head as far down as they'll reach until till my spine arches and I become uncomfortable.

And that makes sense, because when one is repenting for one's sins, one should feel physically uncomfortable in order to mimic the spiritual discomfort the soul is undergoing.


While my actions and thoughts grow scarier by the moment over there in the church, I'm growing increasingly impressed with myself here at the Dome. It's almost as if my creative self here siphons off energy or inspiration or perhaps just spite from my subjugated self.

Wish I could blot the whole church scene out of my mind's eye but it remains as clear and constant as what is before me here, I can't escape experiencing both liberating creation and self-abasement simultaneously.

Ultimately, the ashes of ash Wednesday reinforce the implict christian concept that death is something to be venerated, the ashes become a badge of honor worn, covering the pineal gland.

(Am I getting a little too metaphysical there, perchance with all that talk of pineal glands? Besides, it's actually in the center of the brain, not directly behind the forehead.)

Exalting death as the ideal has served christianity well; it allows christianity to hold the trump card--as death is inevitable at present.

But such might not be the case in the future.

There could come a time when ashes would no longer ring with the same symbolic resonance, once humanity conquers death via scientific means--nanotechnology, cloning, genetic engineering, what have you.

Is that the secret reason christianity opposes science?

I don't know about "secret reason." Sounds too contrived, or perhaps too juvenile. Maybe it should just be "reason."

But I'm on a roll with this point:

It is not an exaggeration to state that christianity's perpetual opposition to scientific progress throughout the centuries, from the Dark Ages to the evangelical agenda of our current government, has sentenced us all to die prematurely. Every person reading this book would already be enjoying the benefits of drastically extended--if not outright eternal--lifespans (realizing that an "eternal span"is an oxymoron).

It's just that christianity has become more refined over the years. Whereas all science was heresy during the Dark Ages, now it's stem cell research and cloning.

Of course, jaw dropping advancements for military high-tech is always morally acceptable.

But when it comes to medical science, the world has been playing catch-up since the Dark Ages.

But when (not if) that future arrives guaranteeing each mortal immortality, and with it the abolition of death, the ashes can only symbolize repentance for sins. That is, if christianity manages to survive in a world where it's no longer necessary. Eh, maybe it can carve out a niche following somewhere in Alabama.

Now that was fun to write.

Truth is, haven't had this much fun writing in years. But even in the midst of my revelry, a sobering thought makes itself known and I decide to include it, comprehensive author that I am: