Entry XVI--Fallacies

Christ strummed his acoustic guitar for his rapt flock of followers, some two dozens disciples, guys and girls.

They lived with Christ here in this Southern California desert commune, followed him down here from San Francisco, where a lot of the original disciples met Jesus, walking the streets of Haight Ashbury in San Francisco--the ultimate 21st Century hippie, back from the dead for a second coming.

And this time, he intended to leave no doubt among every person on the face of the earth just where Jesus H. Christ stood politically. Too many people had committed political acts in his name that really bugged the shit out of him for lo these 2000 some-odd years.

After dinner, they loved to listen to Christ rap/sing about what ever pressing spiritual or social issue happened to be on his mind at the time. In fact, nobody ate until after Jesus pontificated. That was the tricky part; keeping your concentration on what Jesus was saying even while your stomach was growling. See, Jesus might quiz you to catch you off guard.

Like that night, he was telling them about the complex interrelationships between the federal government's intelligence institutions (like the CIA) and some of the nation's richest, most influential citizens. These relationships, Christ explained, were responsible for the direction of much of America's foreign policy since the 1950's; a foreign policy that has resulted in the death and suffering of millions of people across the world during that time. People whose only crime it was that they stood in the way of the CIA and the wealthy elite that they ultimately serve.

When Christ told his minions that 'CIA' stood for 'Capitalism's Invisible Army' they all laughed uproariously.

All except one, Jude. He smiled, amused, but would never truly 'lose himself' around Christ and his flock. Jude always seemed like someeone who would sell Christ out to someone--anyone--if it came down to it.

For the right price.

But none of that was an issue on that warm, tranquil Friday night when Christ sang protest songs 'round the campfire with his faithful freaks.

At the end of the long, sweet evening, as his flock was getting up and ready to head out to their individual tents and camps, Christ asked for their attention:

"Hey, before everybody goes to sleep tonight, just wanted you all to know that I'm going to be speaking at the anti-war rally tomorrow at UCLA. Hope to see as many of you down there as possible."

When Christ said that, he pretty much meant that he expected everyone to be there.

The next morning, at the rally in Westwood, Christ packed 'em in.

He also drew a sizable crowd of opponents, but the campus police cordoned them off to the side.

On a podium with a boquet of microphones, Christ launched into his scathing diatribe against the war and the political right behind that war:

"We have to come to terms with the fact that President Harper lied to us about the reasons we went to war with Iran. After that dirty bomb went off in Washington D.C., his administration immediately went on a campaign to illegitimately link the bombing with 'terrorists from Iraq.'

"We know now that that dirty bomb was set by domestic terrorists who wanted to create an atmosphere of intimidation in Washington.

"And we really have to wonder if those 'domestic terrorists' were in fact, government plants, agent provacateurs. As shocking or cynical as that may sound, I wouldn't put it past this president and this administration."

Racuous cheers--apparently a lot of the audience wasn't putting it past the President either.

Christ had them eating out of the palm of his hand. Even the ones who hate him couldn't take their eyes off of him, so charismatic is the leader.

A leader, some say a prophet, but one who doesn't plan on being a martyr anytime soon.

"And don't forget the corporate media--they're just as complicit, insofar as spreading these lies of the Harper administration."

More cheers

"And sometimes it's not what the corporate media does tell you, it's what they don't tell you. Am I right? For example, they never reported that 90 percent of the people affected by the radioactivity from the dirty bomb were from the inner cities of D.C. Not a single politician inhaled so much as a fume. But the way the media portrayed it would have you think that the very structure of government was about to collapse.

"You may wonder why I call it 'corporate media' That's because conservatives always falsely referred to it as the 'liberal media' in order to distort the fact that the media is hardly liberal.

"We're the real liberal media, right, people?"

Christ hesitates theatrically, then corrects himself:

"No, we're not liberal. We're RADICAL!"

Louder cheers.

"And what do radical people do? They shut things down!"

Everyone who isn't a cop cheering now. Except Jude.

And with that, Christ abandoned the microphone, past the point of words, and gestures for the swelling crowd to follow him.

Nobody gets into a single car; they all followed Christ on foot.

Together, they marched on the nearby Federal Building, swarming all around it, front and back entrances and emergency exits. No ordinary, non-radical citizen could get in or out.

At this point, the police were too small in number to do a damn thing about it. But reinforcements--along with dogs--were on the way. The National Guard was put on alert.

And Christ was in the center of it all, mobilizing his minions by bullhorn:

"Stay focused--and stay together, people. They can't defeat us, they cannot beat us. If we're truly sincere about bringing a Marxist utopia to America, we've got to set an example and stand united. We're not a bunch of scared suburbanites all living alone in their single-tract housing. We live together. We don't let anything rip us apart!"

Cheers of solidarity reverberate inside and outside the lobby of the Federal Building. Christ has them under his thumb.

"Let the police haul us all away if necessary, but we are going to shut down the federal government's business here in Westwood California on this day!"

Louder cheers, if that was possible.

It just so happened there was a very important meeting going on in the building at the time of the takeover, between bigshot investors and government officials, and they were effectively trapped in the conference room on the 23rd floor. A meeting that had to do with

Christ knew the meeting would be happening, that's why he planned this all to happened; it was no spontaneous gesture to lead the crowd to block off the building.

But that also meant the cops came out in full force--with tear gas in tow. They shot gas bombs all over the place, inside and out, because by that time, it was only Christ and the protestors.

It soon became a confusing, cloudy mess and Christ realized that with hundreds of cops bearing down on them, people could get seriously hurt, and he didn't want that.

Christ was about turning the other cheek, not standing his ground and fighting. That was for the macho American who kicked ass and asked questions later.

Before things got too chaotic, Christ gave the signal to his chief disciple lieutenants to tell the others to cut and run.

And within minutes, the majority of protestors vacated the Federal Building, scattering in a thousand different directions, Christ whisked away by his two main disciples.

The cops arrested a few dozen people, but nothing came of it and Christ got away scot free.

There was one person of significance "arrested" that day; Jude.

Rather it was made to look like an arrest, actually it was prearranged with Jude that he would be taken into custody, so his ratting out Christ wouldn't be so obvious.

Jude told the Feds the location of Christ's high desert commune, and they wasted no times formulating a plan to first set-up, then raid and arrest Christ and his disciples.

For his services as a paid informant, Jude was reimbursed $30,000, which he promptly blew on synthetic drugs, hotel rooms and hookers.

Jude rejoined Christ's commune when he was promised that he would be compensated further for 'future services.'

The always forgiving Christ welcomed Jude with open arms. The son of God apparently not as all knowing and all seeing as Pop.

The Feds laid low and waited until Christ could hold in his revolutionary fervor no longer and he and his disciples organized another rally against the war.

Jude met his contact at a local diner where he was given instructions and fronted $25,000 in cash, with another $25,000 to come upon successful completion of his assignment.

On the fateful day, Christ spoke at the massive rally in downtown Los Angeles, a coalition of many leftist and radical organizations showed in full force; over 100,000 people of all colors creeds and genders.

It was a liberal paradise and a conservative nightmare and the conservatives were not going to sit around and take it.

Since it was a peaceful demonstration with all the necessary permits, the cops couldn't move on them.

But that could change with a little help.

A group of undercover provocateurs (recently paroled convicts being paid by the Feds) posing as a band of right-wing skinheads politically opposed moved through the crowd, starting trouble, picking fights, and eventually enough of a melee broke out that LAPD could justify moving in.

Again came the tear gas and once more, chaos ensued. Jude made sure he stayed close to Christ at all times, as instructed. Christ tried his best to maintain control, but with so many people, the situation rapidly descended out of control.

Then, suddenly, a hippie wearing a 'Christ for President' T-shirt pulled out a gun and shot one of the cops dead, right in front of Christ...and Jude.

Instantly, and almost a little too conveniently, a dozen cops swarmed on the hippie, Jude and Christ, arresting them all.

The hippie confessed to the crime, saying that Christ had told him to commit an act of violence in order to 'raise the stakes' of their movement. The hippie said that Christ said that 'authority pigs' needed to start dying because they shot, beat and killed so many protesters and activists over the years.

Christ allegedly said it was time to 'balance the scales' in that regard.

Further damning Christ was Jude's court testimony that Christ gave the 'shoot' order to the hippie right before he pulled the trigger.

Other witnesses came forth to testify on Christ's establishing cells throughout the country in order to overthrow the government, and thus Christ was charged with sedition as well as conspiracy to commit murder.

The jury had seemingly no choice but to find Christ guilty--and in the penalty phase, sentence him to death.

The law was changed so that the execution process was sped up. But Christ still got his obligatory appeals. And as he waited on death row, his disciples and his old lady Mary Magdalene said they would keep his message alive after he died. They would write books and make films about Christ and his teachings, so that his words would live on forever.

That comforted Christ after he lost his last appeal and faced death by lethal injection.

But before he died, Christ was brutally tortured and beaten by a group of cops that hated his hippie ways and that he ordered the death of one of their own.

They clubbed in the ribs, pistol whipped him across the face, breaking the bridge of his nose in the process, and actually whipped him. One cop even stabbed Christ in his side a couple of times Not enough to kill him, but sufficient to make him suffer in agony.

Keeping him alive, but on the verge of death until the final hour struck and the Governor refused to stay the execution. And Christ was strapped in before officials and family members of the police officer who was killed.

Before being injected with the fatal chemical cocktail, Christ issued his final words: "Forgive them father, for they know not what they do."

And then it was over, and Christ no longer breathed life in his physical form.

It was a Friday, and the disciples and Mary Magdalene swore that at the moment of Christ's death, storm clouds that had been gathering all afternoon, suddenly poured forth with thunder lightning and rain.

They didn't need to hear the news for the official confirmation, from that, they knew.

But then, on that Sunday morning, something wonderful happened. When they awoke, the disciples and Mary were greeted by the spirit of Christ hovering in the sky above them.

Christ told that he would be joining his Father now and that the disciples should carry on his work and spread his philosophy throughout the world.

He also advised them that taking advantage of his status as a martyr could go a long way in promoting Christ's dream of a world socialist government.

"Turn over the money changers everywhere! Live together as one! Cast aside material possessions and material concerns!" Christ admonished his disciples and Mary before he disappeared for good, with the promise of return in his third coming.